


Captured

by SadieIRL



Series: The Palamo Saga [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: College, Drama & Romance, F/M, High School, Prisoner of War, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2019-11-15 02:33:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18064907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadieIRL/pseuds/SadieIRL
Summary: As the final months of high school come to a close and Amethyst finds herself gearing up for college, she's faced with struggles and new experiences that are both exciting and scary.  However, nothing prepares her for the day she finds out her sister has been taken as a prisoner of war and she's powerless to do anything except await news.Meanwhile, behind the walls of a terrorist prison, Jasper spends her days plotting and planning to escape with her soldiers and attempting to keep up her morale as she's faced with challenges she'd never imagined.  However, knowing her captor's ultimate scheme, her time is limited and she needs to escape while she still has the chance.





	1. Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, the third story. I've been told I write some truly despicable asshole characters - well, get ready for the biggest one of all. For those who have read my work, this is a fresh take on Jasper's prisoner experience - there will some similar events, but also some big surprises.  
> I've also gotten some comments on my works that they get pretty dark at times - not gonna lie, there will be some dark times in this one - especially in Jasper's story line - there's no way to "pretty up" her experience, but I've woven it together with comedy to lighten some things up and I promise at the end of the darkest tunnel, there will be light. :) 
> 
> For those unfamiliar with my writing, I've made Bismuth a guy in these stories - trust me, without spoiling anything, I will say, it's necessary to the overall plot of these fics. Just go with it. ;) 
> 
> So, please fasten your seat belts and hang on because we're about to go on another emotional roller coaster.

** Captured **

**Chapter 1 – Meeting**

_February 2008_

Amethyst

                “Peridot!”  Amethyst ran up to her friend and stood with her arms outstretched as though she’d reached some sort of victory.  “What’s different about today?!”

                “It’s your birthday!”  Peridot held out a bag. 

                “It’s not just any birthday, Per!”  Amethyst danced in place right there in the driveway and broke out into a tune she made up on the spot.  “I’m an…aduuuuuuult!  I can do what I waaaaaaaaaant and say what I waaaaaaaant – fuck yeah!”

                “Um…you actually still have to go to school and we’re probably gonna be late.”

                “Shit.”  She accepted the gift and got in her car, starting the engine.  “What should we do after school?  We could see an R-rated movie?” 

                Peridot settled in the passenger seat and buckled up.  “We’ve been able to do that for a while.  You could adopt a child or join the military.”

                “Something a little smaller than that, but still cool.”  Amethyst backed out of the driveway and headed toward school.

                “You could buy a lottery ticket.”

                “Think bigger.” 

                “Get a second piercing in your ears?  ‘Cause that’s what I’m gonna do.  On my eighteenth birthday, I’m gonna go to the mall and get another hole in each ear and when my mom asks, I’ll be like: ‘I’m an adult and I do what I want’.” 

                Amethyst laughed so hard she snorted.  “Yeah, Peri, you’re a real badass.”

                “Hey, last week, I stayed out an entire fifteen minutes after curfew.” 

                “You were at the library.” 

                “So I told my parents, but I stopped for an ice cream cone on the way home and ate it in the cold.”

                Amethyst nodded, holding back giggles.  “Okay, you do you.  I’m gonna get a tattoo.”

                “Let’s not go crazy now.” 

                “I’ve been saving my money and I know what I want and if my parents want to give me shit – they both have tattoos.  They can’t say anything.” 

                “Unless it’s something traditional, I think they’ll have plenty to say, so I’d make your peace with having a Polynesian turtle on your back or something.” 

                “Yeah, I don’t wanna do that.  I want a tramp stamp – I’m thinking stars.” 

                “I’m thinking your ancestors are regretting that they invented tattooing.”

                “Tattooing spans cultures all over the world.  One of the oldest bodies found with tattoos on it was from Europe.”  She shrugged as Peridot gave her a look.  “I did a report on it earlier this year.  It’s actually very interesting and I want one.” 

                “Then why not ask your parents?” 

                “You mean like when I was a kid?” 

                “You mean yesterday?” 

                They reached school and Amethyst parked in the senior lot before going in through the main double doors, saying goodbye to Peridot and rushing to her first class, sliding into her seat just before the bell rang.  

                “Hey, girl, happy birthday,” Jenny said as she handed a card to Amethyst.  “Now, I know you can buy your own, but I figured it was a good gift.”

                She opened the card and pulled out a lottery ticket.  “Thanks.”  The bell rang and she slipped it inside the bag Peridot had given her.  By the time lunch came around, she had two more cards from friends and a giant teddy bear holding a heart from her boyfriend.  “Aww, Paul, he’s cute.  Thank you.”  She kissed him. 

                “Push his paw.” 

                She squeezed the paw and the bear said:  “I love you” in a cute voice.  Amethyst smiled.  “That’s so cute.” 

                “And totally not bought the day after Valentine’s for half off…” Kiki whispered to her sister. 

                “I heard that,” Paul said.

                “And so what if it was?” Amethyst countered as she held the bear to her.  “It’s a gift and it’s cute and I love it.”

                “I’m gonna take you out to dinner this weekend, so think about where you want to go.”  He kissed her cheek and then left the table.

                “You two have been dating a while,” Peridot commented. 

                “Yeah, since October.”  Amethyst had only dated casually before then.  Paul was her first serious boyfriend.  It was times like this she wished she could talk openly to her sister, but whenever they talked on Skype, her parents were right there.  Serious boyfriends meant serious things…adult things that lately she’d been thinking she was ready for.  It would be nice to get someone’s opinion on it.  She guessed she could talk to Jenny, who had been dating someone for a while and had let it slip that she’d had sex.  Kiki was still a virgin and Peridot was a lesbian, not to mention a prude who would just turn red at the mention of anything sexual.

                After school, she and Peridot headed toward town and Amethyst parked in front of a tattoo parlor.  Despite wanting a tattoo, her heart pounded nervously.

                “I’m all for helping you do something that’s completely legal, but that will still piss off your parents, but I’m not sure you want to get ink from a place named Captain Bubba’s.” 

                Amethyst got out of the car.  “Eh, I figure pirates get tattoos, so, they probably know what they’re doing.” 

                “Uh-huh, and the guy who does tattoos for your community was unavailable?” 

                “He only does traditional designs.  No matter what I’d told him, I’d walk out with my thighs tatted up.”  The bell above the door jingled as she entered and walked up to the counter.  A girl with teal hair and two eyebrow rings stood there looking at a magazine.  “Yo, I’d like one tattoo please.”  She immediately shut her eyes.  ‘One tattoo’ and who said ‘please’ at a place like this?

                “Are you Bubba’s four-thirty?” 

                There was actually a Bubba?  “Uh…sure…the name’s Amethyst.” 

                “It says Amy.” 

                “Nickname.” 

                “Sure.”  She looked at Peridot.  “And you?  You’d look cute with a nose ring.” 

                “Be that as it may, I am seventeen and I’d need the signed permission of my parent or guardian,” Peridot told her.

                “Oh yeah, you eighteen?”  The girl looked at Amethyst as she handed over her ID.  She glanced at her driver’s license.  “Happy birthday.” 

                “Thanks.  I was thinking like a tramp stamp of stars – like five across the back, the biggest one in the middle…”  She trailed off, chuckling nervously.

                Amethyst sat on a distressed couch until a bald man whose arms were covered in tattoos came out and introduced himself as Bubba.  “This your first tattoo?” 

                “Uh…yeah, but I’m not scared.” 

                “No reason to be.”  He gestured toward a table.  “Pull your pants down a little and lay on your stomach.” 

                “O-kay…”  She did as he asked, shifting uncomfortably as her boobs made it difficult to lay down that way.  “I was thinking…” 

                “Don’t think.  I’m an artist – I got the design in my head.  It’s all cool.”

                He must’ve talked to the girl at the counter.  Amethyst relaxed and then winced as she heard the buzzing and it felt like a cat was scratching her.  For a second she worried he was a bit low for a tramp stamp, but he was the artist so maybe he envisioned it arching from the top of one butt cheek to the other.  She gritted her teeth and tried to put her mind elsewhere until finally he stopped and wiped the area he’d been working on.  “Was that just one star?” 

                “No, that’s your tattoo, just like we talked about last week.” 

                Oh no…she’d not only taken someone else’s appointment, but someone else’s tattoo.  Amethyst slid off the table and slowly walked to a mirror, the top of her butt cheek still stinging.  “Uh…yeah…yeah.  I’m sure it looks…”  She stopped as she realized exactly what had been tattooed on her skin.  “There’s a taco on my ass…”

                “Just like you wanted.” 

                “No!  I wanted a tramp stamp!” 

                “That’s not what you said.  Last week you wanted a taco.” 

                “That wasn’t me!” 

                “Looked like you.” 

                A loud voice came from the front of the store.  “What do you mean I’m already checked in?  I just got here – Amy Folau!  I talked with Bubba last week and I want my taco!” 

                Amethyst’s face burned with embarrassed heat.  “How much do I owe you?” 

                Turned out the flat rate for less than an hour was a hundred dollars.  She forked it over at the counter, ignoring the glare from Amy as she walked out and sat next to Peridot in the car.  She gazed straight ahead for a moment letting the events of the past hour or so sink in.  “I shouldn’t have gone to a guy named Bubba…”

                “It can’t be that bad, Ames.”

                “I have a _taco_ tattooed on my ASS!”

                “Maybe next time don’t go to a guy named Bubba.” 

                “What am I gonna do?  My parents are going to be pissed.”

                “How often do your parents look at your butt?” 

                Peridot had a point.  Chances are they’d never notice.  Amethyst started the car and headed for home.  “You’re still joining us for dinner?” 

                “Of course.  What did you ask your parents for?” 

                Amethyst hesitated.  “Tacos…” 

                They arrived at Amethyst’s house and she exhaled before walking up the steps.  “Hey, Per, my parents don’t have to know anything.” 

                “Of course not.”

                She walked into the warmth of the house, the air already fragrant with spices.  Something sizzled in the kitchen as she entered.  “Your adult daughter has returned.” 

                “Happy birthday, Peanut,” her father said.  “How was it?”

                “Eh, I’ve had better days.” 

                “Why, what happened?”  Her mom turned from the stove and looked at her.

                “Oh, I don’t think Ames wants to taco ’bout…talk about it.”  Peridot shifted nervously.  “I bought her some makeup and the twins gave her a lotto ticket.” 

                “Paul gave me a teddy bear…” Amethyst sighed.  “Which I left in the car.”

                ”Your sister is going to call us on the Skype about eight if she can,” Penina said as she set a plate of warm tortillas on the table. 

                “Mom, it’s just ‘Skype’, not ‘the Skype’.” 

                “All this new technology.  Next year it’ll be called something else.  When I was your age…”

                “It was called a telegram, I know.” 

                “We used mail mostly and there’s something nice about getting a real card instead of talking to someone on a screen.  Oh, what’s this?”  Penina held out a purple envelope.  “And your sister sent a gift.” 

                Once they were settled down to dinner and her mom had lead a prayer, Amethyst opened the envelope and pulled out an official-looking paper.  “Are these car papers?  You bought me a car?” 

                “No, that is our old car you’ve been making payments on for the past year or so,” Fetuao told her.  “But your mom and I talked and you don’t have to pay the rest of what it’s worth.  You’ve shown maturity having a job and paying every month, so the car’s now yours.” 

                “Nice.  Thank you.”

                “Now you can use that money to pay for your insurance.” 

                “You’re evil.”

                “That’s how the world works.”  He gave her a knowing smile.  “I mean, Jasper is making payments on a car she hasn’t driven in months and she won’t drive for at least another six.  And that’s if she comes home as scheduled.” 

                “I hope so,” Peridot said.  “I mean, I’ve been following the news and things have been pretty quiet over there.” 

                “True, but the news doesn’t tell you everything,” Amethyst pointed out.  “I mean, Jasper’s said there’s things she can’t talk about.” 

                “You think she’s ever killed anyone?” 

                “We don’t talk about that,” Penina told her.  “Whatever she does over there stays over there.”

                Amethyst offered to help with dishes after dinner and once Peridot had left, but her mom wouldn’t hear of it.  “You help every other night.  This is your birthday.”

                So, she sat at the computer and did research for her homework until she heard the sound of a Skype call coming in.  She minimized the browser and accepted the call, smiling as her sister’s face appeared on the screen.  “Hey, sis.” 

                “Happy birthday.”  Jasper smiled.  “Did you get the gift?” 

                “I was waiting to open it.”  Amethyst tore off the paper and took the small, leather purse out of the box.  It was soft and there was a design of a camel on the front.  “This is seriously cool.  Thanks.”

                “You do anything fun today?” 

                Amethyst told her about school and her other gifts, but left out the bit about the tattoo since her parents had taken seats next to her.  “And I guess that’s about it.  How are you doing?  Seeing a lot of action?” 

                Jasper laughed.  “We’re seeing hardly any action.  That’s why I had time to go to the market and get you a gift.  Plus, since things have been so quiet here lately, I was able to ask my CO for leave in June so I can go to your graduation.” 

                “Really?” 

                “I’ll only be there about two days, but yeah.  I mean, you went to my graduation.” 

                “Chyeah, I was eleven.  I didn’t have a choice.”

                “It’ll be nice to get back for a couple of days.  So…how’s that boyfriend of yours?” 

                “Ehhhh…he’s okay.  I might need some sisterly advice, but I’ll e-mail you.” 

                “Anytime.”

                Amethyst detested that she couldn’t just ask to talk to her sister alone.  She definitely couldn’t ask her mom about sex.  Once the call was over, she finished her homework before sending off the e-mail asking Jasper for advice about sex.

*

Jasper

                Jasper closed her laptop and sighed as she got ready for another long day.  At least she had breakfast to look forward to, but then there were training exercises.  After several months, many of the privates in her squadron were much better than they used to be, but there was room for improvement.  She shook her head before leaving her room and walking into the housing area shared by three other soldiers.  Her eyes quickly gazed over the room.  “Montoya, you need to redo your corners and Aldritt, your bun is too high.”  She found nothing out of place with Haslett’s area or her appearance.  She heard one of them give a light sigh.  “Hey, at least I’m nice enough to say something before an actual inspection where they get mean about it.”

                As she left, she knew at least one of them was probably making a comment that she wasn’t exactly nice.  And this was true.  However, these three soldiers only lived with her.  Her squadron was completely made up of men as most women didn’t want to join the infantry.  

                ‘ _These seem to be the guys who need a little more coddling_ ,’ she’d written in an e-mail to her best friend, Lacy.  ‘ _I think they put them with me thinking a woman might go easier on them.  I am not full of warm fuzzies and encouragement.  This is the Army, not fucking summer camp and I expect them to shut up and do what they’re told.’_

                As soon as she entered the mess hall, her stomach growled as the smell of breakfast teased her nose.  The food was pretty basic, but it would keep her full until lunch and give her energy to deal with her soldiers.  She grabbed a tray and filled her plate with eggs, breakfast potatoes, cooked peppers and onions and grabbed an orange and a carton of juice.

                “Hey, Tiger!”

                Jasper looked over in Sergeant Cordero’s direction and immediately realized she shouldn’t have.  Now he was gesturing for her to come over.  She gave a polite smile and headed over to the table, sitting across from him.  “How you doing?”

                “Good.  Ready for training exercises today?” 

                “I’m always ready.”  She opened her carton of juice and took a drink. “I just hope my soldiers are.  I don’t want to hear any whining.”

                “Some of them have to be competent.” 

                She shrugged.  “Corporal Thompson is a very good soldier.  He’s on his second deployments, so he knows the deal, but all the others it’s their first.  I don’t think they were really prepared.” 

                “This is your third, right?” he asked.  Cordero smiled when she nodded.  “Mine too.  You were in a few minutes late.” 

                “I was calling my sister.  It’s her birthday.” 

                “Older?  Younger?” 

                “What’s with all the questions?”  Jasper gave him a no-nonsense look.  “I’m trying to eat, not talk.” 

                “You’re right, there’s only a small amount of time.”  He smiled and finished the rest of his food quickly.  “I have three sisters.  Opal and Sugi are older and Sardonyx is about a year younger.”  Cordero laughed.  “Big surprise for Mom having two of us fourteen months apart.” 

                Jasper bit back a sarcastic ‘that’s nice’, shoving it back with a spoonful of eggs and swallowing it with juice. 

                “You know what I miss?  Bacon.  You just can’t get good bacon in Iraq.”

                “Muslim country,” she said simply before shoveling the last of her potatoes in her mouth.

                “But what I really miss is barbeque.  You know that place downtown – Smokey’s?”

                Without a word, she got up, taking her empty tray and walking off.  She heard chuckling from behind her and another soldier saying:  “Forget it, man, she’s not interested.”

                 It wasn’t that she found him unpleasant.  He wasn’t bad to look at, honestly and he was always friendly, beginning any conversation with a great smile.  She left the mess hall to get ready for training, still thinking about him and it scared her.  She could never let him know why his interest scared her so much.  Hell, she could never admit to anyone she was scared.  And she definitely could never say the words she’d written in her diary just a week ago…

_February 14 th – Cordero offered me chocolate today – okay, it was M&Ms because that’s all people send us around here.  I’ve grown to have a dislike of them and politely declined.  “What?  Not into deep, dark chocolate?”  He winked at me rather boldly and I realized he was no longer talking about actual chocolate.  I rolled my eyes and told him cheesy lines like that are a huge turn off.  And as I walked away, I realized why he puts me on edge – he’s black. _

_Wow, that sounded WAY racist – not how I meant it.  Back it up, Jasper.  The problem is that SGT McCoy was black and when he gave me attention, it ended horribly.  As a person of color myself, I KNOW I shouldn’t think that way at all (yes, I’m aware not all black guys are like that asshole) - he seems nice enough and obviously wants to get to know me, but something in my mind is hesitant to give him my trust until I know what his intentions are.  Maybe that makes me a horrible person, but that’s how I feel.  I’m scared.  If he’s legitimately interested, that’s fine and I’d be more than willing to get to know him.  If he’s only interested in sex, then I want nothing to do with him._

                Jasper found comfort in journaling…in being able to write down the things she could never say to anyone out loud.  God, what would the others think of her if they knew why she refused to even let this play out with Cordero?  Of course, they didn’t know the whole truth.  No one here did.  She reflected on her last deployment…on her loose morals…and even looser behavior.  If Cordero did know, he’d figure he had a chance, but this time was different.  She was different.  The last time she’d had sex was with her serious boyfriend well over a year ago.  That was over now.  He’d wanted to settle down and have a family.  She’d wanted more…she still did. 

                She sighed as she approached the training grounds.  If she didn’t take a chance with someone – whether Cordero or another man – she’d find herself nearly forty with retirement looming and no personal accomplishments.  A year later, after she’d turned down her boyfriend’s proposal, now she was thinking about marriage and children and realizing that she would be twenty-six later this year.  Maybe she should open up more to Cordero.  Maybe he wanted a relationship.  She’d let go of the past, so why was she still so scared to trust him or give him a chance? 

*

                After a hard day, nothing helped relax her more than working out.  This probably would sound crazy to anyone she said it to.  Jasper thought about her body that she worked hard for.  Her face was not unfortunate-looking, but it was a little too masculine in her opinion, especially her jaw, which was square and her high cheekbones.  She supposed her eyes were pretty enough, though it hard sometimes to discern whether they were more brown or gold.  She kept her hair back in a bun most of the time as it was long and wild if she didn’t.  Her mother used to brush it for her when she was little, telling her it was her ‘crowning glory’.  When she’d joined the Army, they’d cut it short into a layered bob that was flattering, but shocking after a lifetime of butt-length hair.

Finally, after seven years in the military, it was that length again.  Last month Cordero had seen her take it down after a workout and told her it was nice.  “It’s like a fairy-tale princess – Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair,” he’d said with a laugh. 

Princess, her ass.  She was the least princess-like woman in the world.  She sighed as she entered the gym and stopped in her tracks as she heard familiar voices of some of the men in her squadron. 

“Was she a bitch today or what?”  Private Jenkins complained. 

“I don’t think it has to be worded like that,” Thompson told him.  “If she’s hard on us, it’s because she has to be so we can do our best.”

Jasper nodded.  At least one of them was sticking up for her. 

“Speaking of hard, I pop a serious boner every time she starts yelling at us,” Private Meyers said.  “I’m telling you, I have fantasies of her in some sexy camo dress, ordering me around and spanking me.” 

“Are we talking about the same Sergeant Palamo?” Jenkins asked.  “Because she’s a little old for me.” 

“No, man, she’s experienced, not old.  I want her to dominate me and sit on my face.” 

“Guys!”  Thompson interjected.  “Stop.  Just…no…I can’t look at her that way.”

“I hear ya.  She’s not even that pretty if you really look at her.”  Jenkins scoffed.  “She looks a bit man-ish.”

                “Masculine,” Thompson corrected.  “And no she doesn’t.” 

                The sound of a weight plunking found her ears before Meyers spoke.  “Trust me, I saw her working out  here, you know, without the full uniform – just pants and a T-shirt – and she’s built.  She’s got hips and this ass that’s just…God…and her tits – they’ve gotta be like double D’s.” 

                Jasper buried her face in her hands.  _Please stop_ …she silently begged.

                A punch to the shoulder caused her to look up and Cordero smiled at her.  “Hey Tiger…” 

                “I mean, just look at her, man.  I don’t know what she is and I don’t care, but she’s some kind of exotic.”  Meyers sighed.  “Like a mix of something, I think. I wanna bang her just once.” 

                Cordero looked in the direction of the entrance.  “Are they talking about…”

                “Yes,” she answered tersely.  Her insides were knotted up and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go in there and yell at him or run off and puke.

                “I just wanna motorboat her tits and then suck on them…” Meyers continued. 

                Jasper crossed her arms over her chest.  How dare he think about her that way! 

                “Okay, that’s it.”  Cordero walked inside the gym and the next thing she knew he was shouting.  “Hey!  Show her some respect!” 

                “Why?  Because she’s our sergeant?”  Meyers asked.  “She’s also a super bangable piece of ass.” 

                “No, she’s a person and deserves more respect than being reduced to an object for you to fantasize about, especially in such a way.”

                “You’re one to talk.  You’re always flirting with her,” Meyers countered. 

                “Not to sleep with her,” Cordero told him.  “I want to get to know her, not just take her to bed for one night.  You need to show her a lot more respect than you have just now.” 

                Jasper took the opportunity to head out, disgusted with the comments and feeling about two inches tall.  She guessed she wouldn’t be working out tonight.  In fact, maybe she should just go to her room and eat some of the treats her parents had sent in their last care package.  Get big and fat so no one would make comments about her body. 

                “Tiger, wait up!” 

                She rolled her eyes and sighed before turning to face him.  “Uh…thanks…I mean, I could have handled it.” 

                “Oh come on.  It bothered _me_ the way he was talking, so I know it had to make you feel even worse.”  

                “I…I wasn’t offended.”  But she was.  Anger and disgust rose in her and if she didn’t blow off some steam, she’d certainly blow up later at the most inopportune time.  “Okay, so I was!  ‘Some kind of exotic’ – what the hell was that?!  I should tell him a mix of ‘nunya’ and ‘business’!”

                “You’re not a mix at all though.  You’re Samoan, right?”

                Jasper crossed her arms.  Most people weren’t sure or had to ask.  She’d been assumed to be everything from half-black to Latina, but he had it right.  “Yes.”  He’d seen past the vitiligo that painted shades of white across her tan skin.  He’d looked at her features just as he appeared to be studying her face now as if trying to memorize it or read something in her eyes.  Her heart pounded nervously.  “Well…thank you for having my back.”  She turned to leave, but then faced him again.  “Did you mean what you said?  That you wanted to get to know me?” 

                “What do you think I’ve been trying to do talking to you for the past year?”  Cordero laughed.  “Yes, Palamo.  I want to get to know you and not because I think you’re pretty – I mean, I do – but you’ve impressed me from the get-go with your wit and strength.  I am interested in getting to know you and not as Tiger or Palamo, but really getting to know who you are.  Maybe we can start as friends and see where that leads.”

                Wow…she had misjudged him and she suddenly felt embarrassed about her attitude as she remembered the words she’d written in her journal.  Okay, he was nothing like the man who had hurt her, but she still felt she should approach this with caution.  After all, a good friendship could be ruined if a relationship went bad.  “Friends is a good place to start.”  She extended her hand.  “Call me Jasper.” 

                Cordero flashed that smile at her and took her hand giving it a firm shake.  “My name is Bismuth.  It’s nice to meet you, Jasper.”

                The corner of her mouth twisted up in a small smile.  “You too.”


	2. Apprehension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it's taken so long - I've not forgotten about this and I'm not dead. Convention season is in full force and when I'm not writing, I'm cosplaying, so that's been taking up a lot of time and probably will through the end of May.

**Chapter 2 - Apprehension  
**

_March 2008_

Amethyst

_Hey Ames,_

_Sorry it took me a while._

_Wow, that is a loaded question, but I understand why you can’t ask Mom.  First I would say make sure you’re really ready.  Now, I don’t want to get all gushy, but you only have your first time once, so don’t waste it in the back of a car like I did.  I used to treat sex very casually and I’m beginning to change my mind on that.  I think it’s something that can bring two people in love closer together.  However, it is also fun and if you choose to do it for fun, that is your choice and don’t feel ashamed of it.  I know I didn’t when I was your age._

_Second – protection.  You make sure you have protection.  Don’t rely on him to provide it and then say ‘oops, I forgot’ – I’ve been there.  I’d recommend both getting on birth control and using condoms.  And don’t let him say that it’s too small or it doesn’t feel right – that’s bullshit.  You don’t want a pregnancy or a disease._

_And the last thing is the importance of consent – if he’s doing something that you don’t like or that isn’t okay, you tell him.  Likewise, it’s important you listen to him.  This takes two people who both want the same thing to make it a great experience and one that I hope is amazing for you.  Though, I don’t want to hear any details…_

                Amethyst read the rest of the email, which said as much as Jasper could say about life over there.  She couldn’t wait to see her during graduation.  Part of her wanted to ask why Jasper was taking leave to see them when she was scheduled to come home in August.  However, she knew deployments could always run longer and nothing was guaranteed.

                Her mother breezed in the room.  “Amethyst, why are you on the computer so early?” 

                She closed the tab before her mom could see the e-mail.  “I wanted to look something up for school.  You know, it would be a lot easier for me if I had a laptop.” 

                “You can look at whatever you need to look at here.  If you have a laptop you could be looking at inappropriate things.”

                “True, but I probably will need one for college next year.  It will make taking notes in class a lot easier and I think they require everything to be typed up.” 

                “It’s a lot of money.” 

                “I have some saved from work.” 

                Penina stopped and her brow furrowed as though she were thinking.  “Don’t spend your money.  Let me talk to your father.  Maybe…for a graduation present.”

                “Really?”  Amethyst smiled. 

                “Maybe, I said.  Now hurry or you’ll be late and don’t forget you have a doctor’s appointment after school.  You’re old enough to go by yourself now, but I want to know if they say anything serious.” 

                “Of course.”  It was a new doctor and that made her a bit nervous since she’d had the same pediatrician since she could remember.  “Wait, they’re not going to like…look down there are they?” 

                “I don’t know.  Have you had sex?” 

                “That’s pretty personal, Mom.” 

                Her mother raised an eyebrow.  “If you haven’t and you’re not having any problems, then no.  However, eventually, you will need to have that done.”

                Well, that definitely made her want to put off having sex.  “Can you imagine what that must feel like,” she asked Peridot later as they drove to school.  “Having some cold metal thing jammed up there.  I mean, I guess if I have to at least my doctor is a woman.  I’d hate to have some strange dude looking.”

                “Same, but I don’t know if I have to do it if I have sex with girls.” 

                “Yeah, I think so.  I mean, you can catch stuff from girls too.”

                “Or if I ever want to have kids.”  Peridot laughed.  “That’s a big ‘if’.”

                “Chyeah, I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”  The only thing she was certain of is that right now she didn’t want kids.  She’d sent off her college applications and was waiting to hear back.  She had four more years of school and a kid would just mess all that up. 

*

                Amethyst had asked the doctor for a prescription, which had been given to her without hesitation.  She picked it up at the pharmacy before heading to meet Paul for dinner.  They sat in a booth at Red Robin and she ordered a burger, but was much more excited about the bottomless fries and chocolate shake.  “I don’t know what they put on these fries, but they’re good.” 

                Paul dipped one in his milkshake.  “I’m glad food makes you happy.” 

                Her eyes fell on the charm bracelet she always wore.  A pink rose, a gold heart and a purple gem of her namesake dangled from it.  Her relationship with food had been complicated.  Right now, she was glad to be comfortable in a restaurant eating without planning a trip to the bathroom right after.  She was glad dancing had seemed to keep her weight steady since she’d been in treatment.  Paul didn’t know any of this.  When was the right time to have a conversation about serious times in one’s life? 

                “How did your doctor’s appointment go?” 

                “Good.”  She pulled a piece of bacon from her burger.  “I…uh…I got the pill from the doctor.” 

                “What pill?”  His eyes widened.  “Oh, _the_ pill.  So does that mean you’re…you know, ready?” 

                “I don’t know.  I just figure in case something happens…I also bought condoms.” 

                “Because I could ask for the check and we could go back to my place.  I’m sure my parents wouldn’t hear if we turned the music up real loud.” 

                Amethyst laughed nervously.  “Chyeah, um…I was just thinking ahead.  I don’t know if I’m ready.” 

                Paul nodded understandingly.  “That’s okay.  I’ll wait until you are.  I know your first time is supposed to be all special and everything and I can’t promise a fancy hotel or anything, but I’ll try.”

                “My sister told me her first time was in the backseat of a car.  Though, I remember back then her saying something about virginity being something made up by the patriarchy or something.  She was a huge feminist back in the day.”

                “That sounds extreme.” 

                “She’s mellowed out.  I mean, she’s a soldier, so she’s still all for female power, but she’ll watch the occasional rom-com and let a guy hold a door for her.” 

                “You have military aspirations?” 

                She gave a laugh.  “Fuck no!” 

                “I’ve been considering it, but like the Air Force – I’m not going over there and getting shot at.  Flying planes, though – that sounds exciting.”  He shrugged.  “Otherwise it’s community college.  Have you had any acceptances?” 

                “Only one in the eastern part of the state.  Peridot was accepted there too, so it was tempting but she also got accepted to a good one in California and her mom is encouraging her to go there.”  Amethyst dunked a fry in ketchup.  “We’ve been inseparable since we were ten and now we might actually go to different colleges.” 

                “Yeah, but it’s not like when our parents went or even ten years ago.  I mean, now there’s so much technology – Skype and MySpace and now there’s this new one – Facebook.  I mean, you can see people’s pictures and chat with them…”

                “And next year it’ll be a new thing.  Beats writing a letter, though Jasper says she does like getting those.  I always put mine in a purple envelope so she knows it’s from me.” 

                “If I went would you send me one of those purple letters?” 

                She smiled.  “Of course.”  Would she though?  It sunk in that September was a mere six months away and once it came, all the relationships she had now would change forever.

*

                “Mail for you, Peanut.” 

                Amethyst accepted the envelope from her dad.  “Don’t you think I’m a little old for that nickname?”

                “You’ll be my Peanut as long as I’m alive, just like Jasper will always be my Baby Girl.”

                “That’s one big-ass baby…”  She winced expecting her dad to yell at her for swearing but to her surprise, he laughed. 

                “Your sister was so small when she was born.  Never did I imagine she’d be nearly six feet tall.  I thought she was gonna grow up to look like your mom.” 

                “Naw, I got the honor of that.” 

                Fetuao sat down and opened an envelope.  “Yep, she’s beautiful and so are you.” 

                Amethyst opened her own mail and sighed.  “Another rejection.  I should have put in more effort…” 

                “Ames, your mom and I came here so you’d have a chance to even go to college.  You don’t have to get into a top school.  We’re proud no matter what college you go to.” 

                She crumpled up the paper.  “Are you proud of Jasper even though she didn’t?”

                “Of course we are.  She was called to do something different and that call is not an easy one to answer.” 

                Her father never talked much of his experience in Army, at least not to her.  “When you got out and you moved here and Josh stayed behind, was it hard?  I just worry about Peridot and if we go separate places.” 

                Fetuao nodded.  “It was.  We’d grown up together in the same village, but we didn’t become best friends until Vietnam.  After I got married, we drifted apart and we wrote once I came here.”  He looked at an envelope.  “Speaking of the devil.  We still exchange letters every now and then…things like that…” he pulled what looked like a photograph from the envelope.  “…wedding announcements.”

                “Josh is getting married?”  Disbelief tinged Amethyst’s voice.  “I thought he already was.” 

                Her father laughed.  “No, his son is.” 

                She accepted the announcement from her father and looked at it.  Matt could have been her brother-in-law, but there he was in the photo, next to a woman who was not Jasper.  “Are you going to go to the wedding?” 

                “It would be nice to go home, but expensive, too.  No, I’ll talk to your mom – we’ll send them a gift.” 

                “What do you think Jasper will say?”  She handed it back.

                “I think your sister is mature enough to be happy for him.  Besides, she’s the one who rejected his proposal.”  He slid the photo back in the envelope.  “Anyway, don’t worry about you and Peridot.  You both got accepted by the same school.  You could go together.  And if you don’t, you’re lucky to have so much technology to keep in touch.”

                “Yeah…Paul said that.” 

                “Listen, Peanut, when your mom and I came here with nothing and started a life, it was scary and we worried, but it was what we needed to do to ensure a good future.  And not just for us, but for the family we hoped to have.  I know you’re scared, but this is a step you have to take for the future.” 

                “Do you still worry about the future?”

                He nodded slowly.  “I worry about Jasper being in the Middle East.  I see the horrible things on the news and I realize at any moment she could be gone.  I worry for you when you’ll be in college and not here – all the things that could happen.  I worry your mom is gonna find some hot, young guy and leave me…”

                Amethyst roared with laughter.  “Yeah, right!” 

                Fetuao joined her.  “It’s true – she’s not gonna get better than this!”

                She smiled and found herself more looking forward to her future…to college…and maybe someday to finding someone to share her life with who was every bit as understanding and loving as her dad.

*

Jasper

                “Oh God…I’m gonna die…” Jenkins moaned. 

                “Only ten more, come on!”  Jasper barked as she stood over him, done with her own pushups.  She was not in the mood for complaining today…and wouldn’t be for another couple of days.  The ibuprofen she’d taken that morning was not helping, but she had to push through physical training.  She lay down and began sit-ups, the crunching motion of her abs pissing off the organ within her that was throwing a tantrum.  She exhaled through the pain.  _‘We’re doing this,’_ she told her body.  _‘And I’m not sorry I didn’t get pregnant this month – deal with it.’_  She heard Jenkins flop to the ground next to her and moan.  “Come on, soldier.” 

                “Do you ever like…feel tired…or do you just have endless energy?” 

                “This isn’t about the individual,” she reminded him.  “This is about the unit and I need you to be what the unit needs.”  Jasper finished and stood.  The rest of her squad was done and ready for running.  “Come on, Jenkins, quit complaining and do your sit-ups – we’re all waiting on you!”

                She clenched her teeth as a cramp ripped through her abdomen.  She wanted to double over in pain, but stood straight, trying not to show disgust as something slid out of her.  What was that the doctor told her about the IUD making her periods lighter and mentioning the possibility of them ending altogether?  LIES!!  They had only gotten worse and she’d had thoughts of having the damn thing removed.  It wasn’t as if she planned to have sex anytime soon anyway.  Jasper’s heart fluttered as she caught Bismuth’s gaze and he smiled at her.  Okay…maybe sex was a possibility in the not-too-distant future. 

                Jasper looked over as Jenkins finally pulled himself up.  “It’s about time, Private!  Come on, two mile run – let’s move!” 

                While she ran, she tried not to concentrate on how uncomfortable she felt, but something was not right.  She couldn’t wait to get back and go to the latrines where she could take care of her problem.  At least running made the morning not drag on and soon enough physical training was over and she took the opportunity to run to the restroom before lunch.  Finally she was able to see what had happened and wasn’t entirely prepared for the mess.  “Jesus…you know, Mother Nature, your monthly gift sucks ass,” she muttered to herself as she cleaned up and put a fresh pad in her underwear.

                Something was not right.  Jasper shifted and felt a weird sensation like a bubble or maybe something poking her from the inside.  She pushed but nothing came out.  Rolling her eyes, she slid a finger inside and felt it. 

                Plastic. 

                No…

                 Jasper pulled it out and gazed in disbelief at the IUD now in her fingers.  “Fuck…”  She remembered reading that this was a slim possibility, but maybe this explained all the problems she’d had over the past year or so.  Her body simply hadn’t liked it.  “Shit.” 

                She threw it away before exiting the stall and washing her hands thoroughly.  Maybe now her periods would be more normal, but she’d have to think about what to do for birth control if anything were to happen. 

                She was on her way to the mess hall when Bismuth met her halfway.  “Hey, Tiger.  You okay?” 

                “Yeah.”  She accepted the sandwich he handed her.  “Thanks.” 

                “You haven’t looked okay this morning.  You seem tired.” 

                Jasper leaned against a wall and sighed.  “It’s that time of the month.  Sorry if that’s TMI, but I spent most of the morning in pain.” 

                “Hey, it’s part of life, right.” 

                “You know, most guys would be like ‘eww gross’ because even I think it’s disgusting.”

                “I have three sisters, remember.  It doesn’t phase me.  Do you need pain medicine or anything?” 

                “Nope, I took some.”  She bit into her sandwich and chewed a bite.  “Tell me about your sisters.” 

                Bismuth chuckled.  “Opal just got married to Leon and she went about being a clone of my mom setting up a perfect home.  She went to college and everything but Leon owns a bunch of car repair shops, so they’re set on money and she’s a stay-at-home wife…and mom soon, she hopes.”

                “Being pregnant is like my worst fear.  I don’t want to get huge and pop a baby out.”  She took another bite. 

                “Sugi is off being herself – she is a travel photographer and rides around the country, mostly on her motorcycle taking pictures for websites and magazines.  She’s a bit wild and doesn’t apologize for how she is.” 

                Jasper laughed lightly.  “Sounds a little like my sister.  Amethyst is her own ball of crazy and she’s gained so much confidence these past couple of years.  She’s graduating high school this year, so I’ll fly back for that in June.  Sorry, go on – there’s one more, right?” 

                “Sardonyx – she’s an entertainer, comedienne and magician.  She performs mostly in Las Vegas and is just bursting with personality.  I don’t know how she does her magic tricks and I don’t want to know because it’ll spoil the effect.  But you better believe at Sunday dinner she’ll pull the salt shaker out of someone’s pocket.”

                “You must have interesting family dinners.” 

                “Sometimes.  I haven’t been to one in a while, but when I get back I plan to take some leave to go see them.  You’re lucky to be stationed close to your family.”

                “Yeah, I dread the day they send me somewhere else.”  Jasper crumpled up the wrapper and tossed it in a nearby trash can.  “Thanks for feeding me.” 

                “No problem – you gotta eat.  You gonna be okay this afternoon?” 

                “Pffft yeah.  I deal with this every month.” 

                “Well, hopefully this helps.”  Bismuth pulled a package of M&Ms out of his pocket.  “I’ll share.” 

                And instead of refusing his offer as she’d done last month, she held her hand out and accepted some candy with a smile.

*

                “Sergeant, can I ask you something?” 

                Jasper turned around, having just left the gym and face Meyers.  “What is it, Private?”

                He stood up straight and cleared his throat.  “I heard from some of the other soldiers that last time you were here you…you know…helped them…” 

                She raised an eyebrow.  “What do you mean?  I help a lot of soldiers every day.” 

                “Like…you know…get off.”  He lowered his voice.  “Sex.”

                Jasper felt embarrassed heat creep into her cheeks.  She wasn’t aware anyone would even bring that up.  Her eyes narrowed.  “That’s none of anyone’s business and I think you’ve been misinformed.”

                “Okay, but even if you weren’t, would you consider it?  I mean, would you considering doing it with me?” 

                It was hard not to laugh.  He was maybe nineteen and she was the leader of his squad.  This would not be okay on so many levels.  “You need to stop listening to gossip and get it out of your head that anything is going to happen between us.  I am not going to sleep with you under any circumstances, especially not after hearing you call me ‘bangable’ and ‘some kind of exotic’ and whatever else you said in that conversation.” 

                His cheeks turned nearly as red as his hair.  “You…you heard that, huh?” 

                “I did.  Sergeant Cordero was right – I am not an object for you to ogle and fantasize about.  I am the sergeant leading your squadron and that should be enough of a reason for you to show me more respect than you’ve shown me in that conversation and just now.  But beyond that, I am a person.   How would you feel if someone said those things about your sister or your mother or, someday, your daughter?”

                Meyers turned his gaze to the floor and mumbled a reply. 

                “Speak up, Private.”

                “I’m sorry ma’am.”  His tone held genuine remorse.  “I’m sorry for my rude comments and for what I asked you.”

                Jasper couldn’t really be mad at him.  He was still very much a kid who had said something stupid.  “I forgive you.  Just think with your brain next time instead of other areas.”

*

_April 2008_

                She’d heard from Bismuth that his patrol had witnessed a group of terrorists burying someone in the desert.  As near as they could figure, they’d set up base in a prison that was either abandoned at some point or taken over by the organization.  “They have a feeling someone high-up might be hiding out there.  The place is a damn fortress,” he told her as he drove a small vehicle toward town. 

                Jasper looked out over the landscape and pushed back the thought of running over a hidden bomb.  “Who do you think?” 

                “Pffft…fuck if I know.  Abu Khayr al-Masri, maybe…or possibly Ayman al-Zawahiri or Akhram Abadi.  Hell, maybe Bin Laden himself.” 

                The faces of those men flashed in her head as he said the names and she wondered again how people could possibly be so evil.  Even going into town in their camouflage was risky, though the civilians seemed to enjoy when they visited, especially if they were spending money.  The children also knew that soldiers often carried around candy to give to them.  Jasper realized she hadn’t brought any.  “Did you bring candy for the kids?” 

                “Always.  Lemon drops – kids love lemon drops.” 

                Jasper laughed as the desert lay further behind them and town approached.  “No kid likes lemon drops.” 

                “What’s your favorite candy?” 

                “I mean, I’ll go for anything chocolate, but I guess I reach for peanut butter cups most often.” 

                “I like rainbow sour gummi worms.”  Bismuth parked the vehicle and turned it off.  “Okay, favorite food – no, not just your favorite, but the food that you crave most when you get home from deployment.  Mine is barbecue – like real barbecue, not grilling.  There’s this place I found – tiny little place tucked away in Snowy Mountain, but oh man, one bite and I’m back in Texas.” 

                As she got out and closed the door she thought of it.  The freezing sensation of the pint in her hand, the smoothness as it coated her mouth and that sweetness…a crunch as she bit into an almond.  “No contest – rocky road ice cream.”

                Bismuth nodded.  “Hard to find ice cream here.” 

                The aroma of roasted meat and spices teased her nose.  “Well, something smells good.”  

Jasper looked around at the stalls in the open street selling cooked food along with fresh meat, fruits and vegetables and spices people might choose for their dinner.  Beyond the stands there were some permanent shops selling goods like kitchenware, books and clothes.  She was distracted momentarily as she gazed into a window of a shop selling long dresses adorned with sequins and embroidery. 

“You’d look good in that red one…but we both know how va-va-voom you look in red.” 

Jasper smacked Bismuth’s arm while laughing.  She’d been wearing a red dress when they met and it was now known as the va-va-voom dress.  Currently it was at her parents place in the closet of her old room and she wondered if she’d ever wear it again.  “My favorite color is orange.”

“Mine is red.” 

                “Seriously?” 

                “Yes seriously.  I think that’s part of the reason I noticed your dress.  Come on – I’ll buy you lunch.” 

                The pair browsed the food stands, taken in by the sizzling of grills and the delicious smells of onions and meat.  A lady at one stand plunked down some flatbread still steaming from the clay oven.  Jasper’s eyes passed over the unfamiliar writing.  She was able to speak Arabic well enough after the Army training and three deployments, but she had never learned to read or write it.  

                “You soldiers looking for something good?”  

                It shocked Jasper hearing someone else speaking English.  She turned her head and noticed a man in a Marine uniform smiling at them.  “I can’t decide because everything smells amazing.” 

                “Definitely better than anything you’d find in a mess hall.”  He extended his hand.  “Colonel Jack Spencer.” 

                Jasper and Bismuth introduced themselves. 

                “You two want the best food around, I got just the guy.”  He turned around and yelled to someone in the crowd. 

                A young man ran over holding a cloth bag that already held some items he’d bought at the market.  “Hello, Jack.” 

                “Cordero, Palamo – this is Tubaz.  You need anything around this market, if this guy’s around, ask.  He knows everything and he speaks English.” 

                “No, no – not everything.  I grew up here, but things do change.”

                Jasper surveyed him.  He was little more than a kid – nineteen at most.  She suspected his hair was black, as were the whiskers attempting to become a beard on his face, but he wore a long head covering in white that matched his tunic and pants, so it was hard to tell.  He wasn’t bad-looking, in fact, someone closer to his age might have found him very handsome, but it was hard for her to have that sort of opinion about someone so young.  “We’re looking for somewhere good around here to eat.” 

                “Meat or vegetarian.” 

                “Oh we eat meat like it’s going out of style,” Bismuth told him. 

                “But I’m smelling onions, so I kind of want both.” 

                Tubaz nodded thoughtfully.  “I would suggest a falafel or a kebab – both are good and the best stall is over there.”  He gestured with an open hand.  “They also have very good dolma if you want to start with something.”

                She and Bismuth went to the stall, which was unassuming and they may have passed it up, but true to the kid’s word, the food turned out to be amazing.  Dolma turned out to be meat and veggies stuffed inside green leaves and cooked.  Her kebab was perfectly seasoned – the meat tender and the vegetables cooked just right.  Jack had been correct that this was much better than any food the military had ever served her.  

                “Does this count as a date?”  Bismuth asked. 

                “Nope.”  Jasper scanned the crowd, looking for Tubaz, but he had disappeared.  Jack had joined them and she turned to him.  “What’s the kid’s deal anyway?” 

                The colonel shrugged.  “He lives around here and I see him at the market sometimes.  Whatever his situation, he’s fairly quiet about it, but I expect he lives with his family and helps them out.  I gotta say though, he’s a lot more mature than some of the eighteen-year-olds I have to deal with at work.” 

                Jasper laughed.  “Don’t get me started.”

                “The people here have seen a lot – been through a lot – I suspect he has too, but they still remain light-hearted and happy for the most part.” 

                She nodded at the colonel’s remark.  “Coming here always reminds me how fortunate we are back home.  They don’t have a lot here, but they’re thankful for the little they do have.”

                On the way back to the base, she thought about Bismuth’s comment whether this had been a date or not.  Had it?  He’d bought her food.  They’d walked the streets together and talked about various things.  Jasper cleared her throat.  “Maybe next time I can buy lunch for you.” 

                Bismuth flashed her that smile that made her insides turn to jelly.  “That would be awesome.”

                What was she doing?  God, she was encouraging him.  She shouldn’t encourage him…she should push him away.  She thought about her fear of roadside bombs or groups of terrorists attacking them.  There was still a war going on.  If she got close to him, one day he could be suddenly taken from her. 

                _Is that really what you’re afraid of?_   Her inner voice asked.

                Jasper reflected on her past…on the difficult things that she didn’t voice to anyone outside of a few trusted people.  To be in a relationship meant opening her heart and laying it bare in front of him…trusting him with dark secrets she usually kept to herself.  She didn’t know how to trust…not since her last relationship and that didn’t pan out.  She was scared of trusting that much again.  She was scared of…

                She looked over at him and caught the gaze of his chocolate-brown eyes.  He offered his hand to her and her eyes flickered to it as she wondered if she should take it.  If she did, he’d think this was a date and whatever this relationship was would continue unabated.  If she didn’t, he’d think she was a standoffish bitch and she may never get the chance to see how this played out. 

                She was scared. 

                But she took his hand anyway.


	3. Telling Stories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I haven't forgotten about this but con season is in full swing and I have been busy with cosplay. I've found some time to work on this though and am currently writing up chapter 6 while chapter 4 is almost done being beta-ed. One more con this weekend then I hope to update more consistently during the summer. :) 
> 
> Some NSFW in this one...so there's that.

**Chapter 3 – Telling Stories**

_April 2008_

Amethyst

                “Amethyst, come here,” her English teacher said after class. 

                She approached the desk.  “What’s up?”

                Ms. Winger tapped her pen against the papers in front of her – Amethyst’s story she’d turned in a few days ago for her creative writing assignment.  “Did you have help with your story?” 

                “I mean…I used spell check.” 

                “I know you’re a good writer, Amethyst.  I just want to make sure that your parents didn’t help you.  This is a little better than most high school work I’ve seen.” 

                Amethyst laughed.  “Chyeah, my dad is an accountant and my mom is a nurse and they wouldn’t know how to write a story if their lives depended on it.” 

                “In that case, I’d like to recommend you submit it to this scholarship contest.”  Ms. Winger handed her a paper.  “The deadline is soon, but you could win money for college.” 

                She looked at the details. Her father had a modest college fund for her and they’d applied for financial aid and school loans, but a scholarship would definitely help.  “Awesome, thanks.” 

                Her teacher handed the story back.  “And you got an A.” 

                “Sweet.”  If only her math grades had been that good.

*

                That night, Amethyst wolfed down her dinner, eager to get on the computer and polish her story just a little more before submitting it to the contest. 

                “Ames, slow down,” her mother said.  “Are you even tasting your food?” 

                She gulped down her milk and responded with a belch. 

                “Amethyst!” 

                “Sorry, Mom.  Yeah, it’s good.”  She began shoveling food in her mouth again. 

                Her dad shook his head.  “You put it in that fast, you need to be careful it doesn’t come right back up again.”

                Amethyst stopped and looked at him.  Beside her, she heard the clatter of her mom’s fork against her plate. 

                “You could be a little more sensitive, Fetuao,” Penina told her husband.  “You know she has a problem with food.”

                “Not anymore,” Amethyst protested.  Though, this was only half-true.  Maybe she hadn’t made herself throw up in almost two years, but she still didn’t entirely love her body and she still got tempted from time to time to take matters into her own hands.  Dealing with bulimia had been a process…and still was.  “I mean, I didn’t take offense to Dad’s comment.” 

                Penina gave an exasperated sigh.  “Well…it was still a little insensitive considering…”

                “I’m pretty much better.  My friends don’t bring it up.  Paul doesn’t even know.  All he knows is I love food and I’m curvy and he’s okay with this.” 

                Thankfully, her father changed the subject.  “Why are you in such a hurry to finish dinner?  Hot date?” 

                “Pfffft, naw.”  She filled them in about the contest.  “I figured I could try.  I mean, I like writing stories.” 

                “I think it’s good opportunity, Peanut.”   Fetuao smiled at her.  “Is it that story I proof-read for you?” 

                “Yeah.” 

                “It was good – a little girly for my tastes.” 

                “Well, I mean, chyeah, it was a romance.”  Amethyst laughed. 

                “How come you never ask me to read your stories?”  Penina asked. 

                “Um…well…I…”  What if she told her mom the truth?  That because her father had been to college he likely had a better grasp of English grammar?  Was that horrible of her?  It was as though saying her mom wasn’t as smart and maybe she didn’t have a degree, but that didn’t mean she was stupid.  She’d had to learn English as a second language, so surely she knew the ins-and-outs of grammar.  “I don’t know.  I’ll let you read this one while I do my other homework.  Maybe you’ll appreciate the romance aspect of it.” 

                “When you say romance, you’re not writing about sex are you?”

                “Oh my God, Mom…like I have any experience to base it on.”  Unless pleasuring herself counted…which it probably didn’t.  The most she’d done was let Paul touch her butt.  They’d been on his couch watching a movie and she may have let him go further if his mom hadn’t walked in.  Adults or not, in her house their hands had to stay where she could see them.  How did other people manage to find a private spot to do the deed in?  “Most of my stuff is pretty G-rated, maybe edging on PG, but nothing you wouldn’t see in a Disney movie.”

                “That’s good to know.” 

                After dinner, she busied herself with homework, finally sighing as she finished her essay for history.  Finals were coming up…but so was prom.  That only brought up thoughts of whether Paul would expect the night to end a certain way.  She also still needed a dress.  She opened the internet browser and searched for plus size prom dresses.

                “Uh-oh, those look expensive,” her mom commented as she plopped Amethyst’s story down on the desk. 

                Amethyst shrugged.  “I mean…I’ll probably see what I can find at the thrift store.  That’s usually what I do.” 

                “It’s your prom.  We’ll go to a fancy department store and see what they have.” 

                She didn’t have the heart to tell her mom that Sears was not fancy.  “So, what did you think of the story?”

                “It’s well-written and it’s definitely romantic.” 

                “But…” 

                “It isn’t very realistic.  Your hero comes in with all these sweeping gestures of love and fancy words, but real love isn’t like that necessarily.  Your father doesn’t speak like this or give me diamonds, but he cares for me and listens to me – we support each other through good and bad.  That kind of love may not seem very romantic, but it’s real.”

                “I guess I don’t have much experience with romance either.” 

                “I think you should try writing something from your own life.  This is great for a contest, but if you want to keep writing, put some of your own personality and passion into it.”

                “Thanks.”  Amethyst flipped through the pages.  “Maybe I’ll take some creative writing in college.” 

                “Just remember your writing won’t pay the bills.”

                This was true and she’d have to find out exactly what she wanted to do with her life.  Eh, she had time to figure it out.  “So…since I don’t have any experience of my own…how did you and Dad fall in love?” 

*

_May 2008_

                Her story ended up winning second place in the competition.  It would be published in a small literary magazine and she won a smaller scholarship, but still something to put toward college. 

                “I’m not sure where you got the idea to change your story to one about a star god and a mermaid,” her English teacher had said, “but it has a certain…hm…”

                “Realness?”  Amethyst suggested. 

                “Exactly.” 

                So, she’d fudged a few details, but had woven her parents’ romance into a tale like the ones her mother used to tell her from Samoa.  She’d even asked their input trying to make the Pacific island setting as authentic as possible.  Though Penina had commented that they didn’t have mermaids in their mythology. 

                Even Paul agreed it was good.  “You should have won first place though.”

                “Your opinion may be a little biased.  I mean, it was good, but it’s little more than a fairy tale.” 

                “Don’t worry – I’ll romance you at prom.  I figure we’ll start at Red Lobster…”

                “Yum.”  She could already taste the cheddar biscuits melting in her mouth. 

                “Then we’ll go to the dance and – you know – cut a rug, as they say.”  He busted out a few awkward dance moves that made Amethyst laugh.  “And we’ll see what happens after.” 

                She shook her head a little.  “Okay, but don’t go booking a hotel room or anything.”

                “No, no and if nothing happens, that’s cool too.  It’s just…some girls expect that after prom.” 

                Except, she wasn’t one of those girls.  “I don’t know what I expect, but when I’m ready, you’ll be the first to know.”

                It was later on as she was driving home that she expressed her fears to Peridot.  “It’s just such a big step.  I’m from a community that takes sex very seriously – or at least my parents’ generation does.  My mom was a virgin until she was married.  I know Jasper’s done it, so my mom’s pinning all her hopes on me that I’ll make the right decision in her eyes.” 

                “It’s not her life, though.  It’s yours.”

                “It is a big decision though.  One I do it I can’t ever go back.  I mean, is Paul going to expect it all the time?  And what if it’s not great or I regret it the next morning?  What if he sees my body and is revolted because, guess what, I’m no supermodel.” 

                Peridot shrugged.  “That’s a valid fear.  I can’t imagine someone seeing my body and being impressed.” 

                “Chyeah, but you look way better than I do.” 

                “At least you have curves where curves should be though.  I have two mosquito bites and no hips or behind to speak of.” 

                Amethyst laughed.  “Peri, you’re almost eighteen.  ‘Behind’, really?  Say ‘ass’ already.”

                “Anyway, I’m pretty sure Paul will at least be impressed with your boobs.”

                She quickly glanced down at her cleavage.  If anything, she did have a nice chest.  “Maybe I could let him touch one.”  Amethyst eased the car around a corner and down their street.  “I just worry that this will change everything.” 

                “And it might, but maybe not in a bad way.  It could open up a whole new level of your relationship.” 

                “I’m also worried about it hurting.” 

                “Valid concern, as I hear it usually does your first time…well, maybe not my first time, considering…”

                She let out another chortling laugh.  “You know, Per, strap-ons exist.”

                “I am not using one of those my first time.”  Peridot’s cheeks blazed bright red.  “Or maybe ever.”

                Amethyst parked in the driveway and turned the car off.  “I can’t believe prom is Saturday.”  And she couldn’t be more nervous.  When it ended, would she be the same or would she and Paul really take their relationship to the next level changing her forever?

*

                Amethyst felt like a princess in her dress as she entered the dance.  It was purple dress with a ruffle around the neckline and the asymmetrical hemline.  Her mom had let her buy a sparkly necklace and matching earrings along with the dress and had helped her style her hair that afternoon. 

Paul had declared her beautiful and had treated her like a lady the entire evening – opening doors and pulling her chair out for her.  She knew what Jasper would have said a few years ago – that such behavior was old fashioned, that chivalry was dead and women could do things for themselves. Amethyst, however, enjoyed the attention and felt he was acting the part of a gentleman as he escorted her into the crowded hotel ballroom where their prom was being held.

                The DJ played a mix of music Amethyst recognized from her years in junior high all the way to the hits of the current year.  As she slow danced to the last song with Paul, she was hit with the realization that high school really was nearly over.  She had known nothing but school since she was five.  She’d gone through all those years with the same kids…in the same town…and now the future stretched out in front of her…long and unknown.  In a few short months, she’d be thrust into something unfamiliar…a new experience she wasn’t sure she was ready for.  However, here it came, hurtling toward her and as the song ended, so did her last dance of high school…the last big event before graduation sealed the familiar behind her. 

                Amethyst wanted to slip out of her shoes as she exited the ballroom, Paul’s arm still around her.  “I’m ready for sleep, but I also don’t want the night to end, you know.”

                “I mean, we could look into a room.” 

                “And what the fuck are my parents gonna say when I don’t come home?” 

                Paul sucked in a concerned breath.  “Good point.  And your dad is a pretty big guy.  I mean, I do want to make this night special for you.  Have you…I mean, you thought about that at all?” 

                “I have and…I think I’m ready.”  Her insides knotted up. 

                “That didn’t sound very confident.  Thinking you’re ready isn’t being ready.”  Paul put his hand on her other shoulder and turned her so she faced him.  “It’s okay if you’re not.”

                “It’s just a big step.  Once I do this, it’s done.  I want to be absolutely sure.” 

                “Hey, so do I.  I mean, I am sure, but if you’re not, I’ll wait until you are.” 

                Amethyst thought about it and knew if she didn’t ease into it, she may never pluck up the courage. “But I mean, if you’re ready…there are things we _can_ do...things I’d be up for.”

                Okay, so going down on her boyfriend in his car after prom wasn’t exactly Amethyst’s idea of the perfect end to a romantic evening, but the way he moaned and entwined his fingers in her hair, she knew he enjoyed it.  She was unsure why anyone liked doing this.  Amethyst supposed there was a level of power she felt being able to give him pleasure knowing that one wrong move could also cause him pain.  At least he had the decency to stop her just before he finished so he could grab an empty cup from nearby.  She’d never tasted it, but she’d heard stories that it was disgusting.   

                Paul offered to return the favor, but Amethyst wasn’t sure she was ready to let anyone see her like that.  She hadn’t done any sort of grooming or anything and she hated the way her stomach looked.  In fact, she’d have to wiggle out of her restrictive underwear that resembled granny panties made of spandex.  No, she definitely was not ready for anything like that.  Thankfully, Paul was a respectful guy and seemed satisfied that they’d gone as far as they had.  Amethyst looked out the window as he drove her home and knew she’d be ready in the future…the future that was coming far faster than she felt prepared for.

*

Jasper

                “So, wait, you speak three languages?”  Bismuth asked as they ran around the base to unwind after a long day. 

                “Well, my Arabic isn’t great, but yeah.” 

                “Did I or didn’t I hear you put yourself down before and call yourself stupid?”  

                Jasper shrugged.  “Maybe I’m not stupid with languages, though I forgot all the Spanish I learned in school.  I can ask for a beer and sing _La Bamba_ – very poorly, mind you – but otherwise, just – poof – gone!”

                Bismuth chuckled.  “I took Spanish too.  I might be able to still order a burrito and ask where the bathroom is.  I mean I know some Arabic – I took the training, of course – but I rely on the interpreters, so I never kept up for it.” 

                “When I’m away from base I like to know what everyone is saying.  I guess I retained what I learned because I’ve actually used it.”

                “And you’ve spoken Samoan your whole life?” 

                “Pretty much.”  Jasper huffed as she turned a corner beside him.  “Most Polynesian languages are dying out, but for those in the islands, they don’t really see you as Samoan unless you speak the language, so it’s very common for parents to pass it down.” 

                “But you’ve never been?” 

                “I have – I’ve been to Tutuila, which is the main island of American Samoa.  Of course, because it’s a territory, they speak English too.  My dad is from there, but I’ve never been to Samoa where my mom is from.  Has your family always lived in Texas?” 

                “For a couple generations.  Before that we had roots in other southern states and before that who the hell knows?  I mean, Africa – obviously – but it’s not like anyone kept detailed records.  And before you ask, no, I have no desire to visit.” 

                She laughed.  “Not exactly a tourist destination.  I mean, neither is this…”

                “What are you talking about?”  Bismuth stopped as they reached the housing area.  “You’ve got sand and…you know…the heat…” 

                Jasper took a swig of her bottled water.  “Oh yeah, you’re totally selling me.”

                “There’s beauty here if you look in the right places.”  He knelt down and plucked a trio of orange desert flowers from the ground.  Bismuth tucked them behind her ear.  “See, beautiful.” 

                There was a part of her that wanted to smile and let her heart melt at the sappiness of the moment…to give into it.  Instead, she scoffed.  “No I’m not.” 

                “Hey, don’t talk about my friend that way.  I assure you – you are.”

                Jasper felt warmth creep into her cheeks and her heart pounded nervously when he stepped slightly closer as though he meant to kiss her.  She slid her foot back.  “We have early training tomorrow.  Good night.” 

                He smiled though disappointment clouded his eyes.  “Night.” 

                Jasper hurried quickly to her housing unit and slipped inside quietly, passing by the three women she shared with.  Once inside her room, she sat down and took the flowers from her hair.  She placed them under her nose and found they didn’t have much of a smell – maybe a hint of something delicate.  They’d never survive without water, she realized, so she took out her journal and placed them lovingly inside so they could be pressed and preserved with all her other sweet memories of Bismuth.

*

                Patrols had become more common, especially as Jasper’s command had focused their attention on the abandoned prison. It was situated near a mountainous region and flanked by the desert on one side.  Jasper lay on her stomach on the ground, watching with binoculars as a truck drove through the gates and disappeared. 

                “You know we could go down there,” Jenkins whispered from beside her.  “Yeah, we could go down there and just kill them all.” 

                “Did you eat stupid for breakfast?”  Jasper hissed back.  “First of all, there’s like ten of us here and possibly hundreds in that prison, so attacking is a dumb idea.”  She shook her head and looked for other signs of activity, but nothing moved.  Even the men in the guard towers stood at their positions gazing for signs of trouble. “Second of all, we are only gathering information, not attacking anyone.  Third, shut up.”

                A rustling caught her attention and she motioned for her men to stay down and keep quiet.  Jasper peered between the leaves and branches of a bush in front of her and saw a figure in white making his way along a path cutting through the area.  She supposed if there was a path then people must walk through here, but where to?  The town was in the other direction and there were no villages around.  Could he be someone from the prison?  But in that case, why was he wearing such a visible color? 

He looked around as though sensing other people were there and Jasper first took note of how young he was before realizing she’d seen him before.  Jasper’s mind went back to that day in town with Bismuth and she remembered the young man Colonel Spencer had introduced them to.  Here he was again, but far away from the town and heading in the direction of the prison.  She tried to think of his name, but it eluded her.  He turned around a bend in the path and disappeared from view. 

                Jasper gave a silent order to Thompson to follow her and keep her covered while she traced the path the man had taken.  She drew her rifle in case of trouble and peeked around the rock, scanning the area for the young man.  He was gone. 

                Just gone. 

                This made no sense.  There had been no sound of a vehicle that would have picked him up.  She hadn’t heard him running, but even if he had, she’d still have been able to see him.  There was simply no trace.  

                “Sergeant?”  Thompson whispered. 

                Jasper turned and passed by him on her way back toward their post.  “I don’t know where he’s gone to.” 

                “Did you know him?” 

                “No.”  Except she did and she had a sneaking suspicion there was more to him than anyone really knew. 

*

                “Who is this individual you saw?”  Major Williams asked. 

                “I don’t remember his name, but I do remember Colonel Jack Spencer from the Marine Corps is the one who introduced us and he would likely know more about who this person is and where he’s from,” Jasper told him. 

                “And why do you think he’s worth looking into?” 

                “When I first saw him in town, Colonel Spencer said the kid lived there.  So, why was he walking so far away from town going in the general direction of the prison where we think a high-ranking Al Qaeda member might be hiding out in?” 

                “Then he just disappeared?” 

                This was not going well, but she kept her composure.  “Yes.  I mean, he had to have gone somewhere, but by the time I had peeked around the rock he was gone.  I considered maybe he was hiding, but he was wearing white, which is very easy to see.”

                The major sat down and stared at her, hard-eyed and serious.  “You should know from your training that there are nomadic groups in the area.  Chances are he belongs to one of them and I hardly think it’s worth looking into.  He may have known a way around in the mountains you didn’t consider.” 

                Jasper had considered this – briefly.  But there was nowhere he could have hid…nowhere he could have gone that she’d seen.  Colonel Jack had mentioned the boy lived in town, so she doubted he was a nomad. 

“What are you basing your suspicions on?” 

“I don’t know, sir.”

“You don’t know.” 

“My gut…I guess.”  Damn it.  That did not sound good. 

It shouldn’t have surprised her that he laughed.  “Sergeant, you need to have more to go on than a gut feeling.” 

She doubted the major was going to look into this at all.  He probably chalked it up to ‘women’s intuition’ and had every intention of forgetting the conversation as soon as she was dismissed, which was only moments later. 

                She made her way to the gym area after and discarded her jacket, donning a pair of boxing gloves.  Jasper needed to hit something and work off her frustration.  She knew she had some pertinent information that could lead to the liberation of the prison and the capture of whichever Al Qaeda leader might be hiding out there.  She approached the punching bag near the corner, tapping it a little before hitting it full force. 

                Of course she wasn’t taken seriously.  She was just a woman, after all.  Just.  _*punch*_ A. _*punch*_ WOMAN!  _*punch*_   The punching bag swung violently on its chain and she had to stop it from smacking her in the face.  Forget that she’d had the same training and put in the same time as her male counterparts.  Once she’d said it was her gut feeling that was it. 

Why let women in the Army at all?  Weren’t they here because they had certain attributes the men didn’t?  Because women thought differently and might have a fresh take or angle on things.  No, it was because they didn’t want words like ‘equal rights’ thrown around.  The men seemed to tolerate her and the other women there.  She saw Meyers out of the corner of her eye and wrinkled her nose.  Or they were seen as objects.  Or worse…

Jasper shuddered a little as thoughts of that night tried to creep into her mind, but she pushed them out.  Giving into those feelings only let him win.  And he didn’t win.  She struck the bag again.  She’d won.  She’d come out of that horrible ordeal stronger than ever before, determined that no one would make her feel like that again.

                “Hey, Tiger.” 

                She startled and stopped the bag from swinging at her again.  “What’s up?”

                Bismuth grinned at her.  “How are you at hand-to-hand combat?” 

                “I can hold my own.”  She needed someone to spar with.  No, not someone – a man – one who could possibly even beat her.  She needed to prove she was just as strong…that she could come out on top.  “You up for a match?” 

                “Always, but I should warn you – I’m not going easy on you, Tiger.”

                “Heh, I don’t expect it.”  Jasper stripped the boxing gloves off and hung them back up.  “But if you need me to go easy on you, just let me know.”

                Bismuth laughed as he stepped onto a vacant mat.  “Not likely.” 

                Jasper moved her head side to side, her neck popping.  “You take this bull by the horns, you best be ready for a ride.”

                 He made the first move and she dodged, coming around from behind and getting him in a hold.  In a split second, Jasper found herself flat on the mat having been flipped over his shoulders.  Damn it.  She turned and tackled Bismuth to the ground.  He made a move to grab her, but Jasper rolled off and got to her feet again.  They circled each other for a moment before he lunged in her direction and she moved quickly, taking the opportunity to trip him as he tried to catch his balance.  “Hey, Tiger, that’s playing dirty!”

                “All’s fair in love and war,” she quoted. 

                “Love, huh?”  He winked just before he slammed into her, grabbing her around the waist, trying to get her on the mat. 

                “Oh, get over yourself, Cordero.”  Jasper elbowed him in the stomach just hard enough so he let go.  She grabbed his arm and pulled him down, falling on top of him and using all her weight to hold him there.  “Give up?” 

                Bismuth smirked and gently moved some of her messy hair out of her face.  “You know, you have beautiful eyes.” 

                Jasper felt her muscles relax and immediately realized her mistake when he flipped her over and held her down.  His weight pressed on her…God, he was close…his hands squeezing her wrists.  Too close.  Her heart pounded and her mouth went dry.  Uncomfortably close.  She couldn’t breathe and panic edged into her mind.  His face was near hers and an alarm went off in her head as she realized he was inches away from kissing her.  “Get off of me!” she screamed in a fearful voice she almost didn’t recognize as her own.  “Let me go, please!”

                Bismuth pulled away immediately and got to his feet, offering a hand to help her up.  “Did I hurt you?” 

                She didn’t accept his help, instead scrambling to her feet, breathing heavily and aware of the several pairs of eyes now watching them.  Panic still ran through her.  She couldn’t answer…she couldn’t think of anything to do except run.  And she did.  She bolted from the gym and headed outside, past the housing area, almost to the gate of the base before stopping to catch her breath.  Her heart rate slowed.  The adrenaline seemed to dissipate. 

                Now she felt stupid.  Jasper smoothed her hair back from her face, which was damp with sweat.  God, what was he going to think of her?  Did she dare tell him the truth?  Few people knew what she’d been through and she wasn’t the type to drag up old traumas.  She sighed.  Recovery was a process.  Most days, she was okay.  She’d learned to trust again…to love…to make love…without fear.  There were days she didn’t even think about the past.  She knew to try and avoid anything that might trigger panic or doubt or sadness.  She hadn’t expected this to, but then there she was – once again – with a man on top of her in an aggressive way – and she’d screamed at him…and ran. 

                _This was Bismuth_ , she reminded herself.  He had never shown any sign of wanting to hurt her and the hand-to-hand training wasn’t about that anyway.  It was simply to get the other person down.  It was about preparing for a day in battle when she may not have a weapon.

                “Tiger!” 

                Damn it.  Well, she was going to have to face him sometime.  She turned, her gaze toward the ground.  “Hey…uh…sorry about that.” 

                “No, no I wanted to make sure you were okay.”  Bismuth had her uniform jacket in his hand and wrapped it around her shoulders.  “I figured you had a flashback – bad war experience – it happens.” 

                Jasper slid her arms inside the sleeves and sat cross-legged on the ground.  She didn’t really know what to say as she pulled the pins out of her bun and took her hair down, playing nervously with her ponytail.  She felt ashamed – not from what she’d been through, but how she’d reacted to Bismuth pinning her.

                “I mean, we all have them sometimes.”  He sat next to her.  “Once, I was pushed to the ground by an enemy soldier and I didn’t think I’d get to my gun in time.”  He gave a low whistle.  “I hate to think of what would have happened if I hadn’t.”

                She flipped the ponytail over her shoulder, heaving a sigh.  She remembered the weight on her…seeing the camouflage through her sleepy eyes…the cold metal of dog tags tapping against her chin.  “It wasn’t the enemy…that’s what scared me.”  Jasper hoped he didn’t view her differently as she told her story…as she recounted that night over two years ago she’d woken up to find her sergeant on top of her.  “I couldn’t move…or fight…or hardly breathe.”  He was silent and she knew what he must be thinking.  “Yeah, kind of pathetic, right?  I come off as this strong badass and when it really counted I couldn’t do the one thing I was trained to do.” 

                “You were trained to fight terrorists, not fellow soldiers.”  He put an arm around her shoulders.  “That was a shitty thing he did to you and I’m sorry you had to go through that.  And I’m sorry I reminded you of it.” 

                Jasper groaned…she didn’t want to have to tell him the other part… _why_ it scared her.  Why was the only thing they had in common something neither of them could change?  “Can I say something without you thinking I’m a completely terrible person?” 

                “I don’t think that’s possible.” 

                Oh, she was certain it was.  “My sergeant…” Jasper took a breath and let it out slowly.  “He was black.  It…the idea of a black man on top of me scares me and I hate that it does.  I hate that there’s even a part of my brain that gives into any kind of prejudice because I was not raised that way.  I am not that kind of person – at all.  I have had to deal with prejudice and stereotypes myself and I’ve never been afraid of anyone solely based on their skin color.”  She hugged her knees to her chest.  “And I can’t stand the fact that even for a split second I was…that it was a factor.”

                Bismuth was silent for several moments.  “I can understand where your fear comes from – I’m not saying it’s right, because it’s not.  Your sergeant was a rapist and an asshole and he happened to be a black man.  How many black people do you know?” 

                “Pfffft…a lot.” 

                “And _one_ did you wrong – he did you horrible and you have every right to be angry at him.  But I’m not him and the others in your life probably haven’t done anything to hurt you, either, right?”

Wow, she had sounded so incredibly prejudiced.  She rested her forehead on her knees, hiding her face.  “Can I crawl in a hole and die?”

Bismuth laughed lightly.  “No, but I hope this helped.  Listen, Jasper, I would never do anything to hurt you – definitely nothing like that.  In fact, if I’d known, I’d never have even flipped you over and pinned you.”

“You couldn’t have known.”

 “Well, what I know now is that you’re about a hundred times stronger than anyone I’ve ever met.  What I know is that you’re beautiful and when I’m around you I feel happy and I’d like to see where this might go.” 

Jasper found herself smiling and leaned into him.  “I’d like that too.” 

He squeezed her shoulder.  “And I will never do anything with you unless I have permission.” 

It was a perfect moment.  She’d bared her soul to him – she thought he would run, but here they were under the stars, the moon bathing them in soft light.  “I appreciate that.” 

“So…if I have your permission, I’d like to kiss you now.”

Her heart gave a delightful flutter.  Jasper looked up at him and smiled.  She wanted him to kiss her…to hold her…to accept her with all her flaws…with her past exactly as it was and give this a real chance to turn into something more.  “Okay.” 


	4. Captured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have much to say on this except there's some NSFW lol. I've been waiting to write this one - same name as the story, which probably gives away a bit about what happens, but here it is and so begins Jasper's harrowing journey.

**Chapter 4 – Captured**

_June 2008_

Amethyst

                Graduation was next week.  Time had neither slowed, nor stopped.  Their finals were looming.  The heat of summer approached – her last with her friends and they were already talking about making the most of it.  At least she and Peridot had decided to attend the same college.  Well, actually, Amethyst had been there when Peridot’s mom was trying to convince her to go to California because the school was better.  Peridot had stood her ground and said either she went to college with her best friend or the day she turned eighteen, she would sign up for the Navy. 

                Kiki had a track scholarship to a college in the Midwest.  Jenny was staying in town to go to community college first while helping at the pizza shop.  Community college had not been an attractive proposition for Paul, who had let Amethyst know he was joining the Air Force as soon as he graduated.  Whereas Peridot’s parents had been horrified at the thought of their child in the Armed Forces, Paul’s parents had been supportive and his father had even bought him a new duffel bag for boot camp. 

                “It’s a double standard,” Peridot said as she and Amethyst sat at their favorite burger place sipping on milkshakes and sharing an order of fries.  She dipped a fry in her shake.  “It’s horrible for me to go because I’m a girl, but he’s praised for his decision?  You know what my parents said?  ‘Pearl wouldn’t have entertained this idea’ – well, I’m not Pearl.” 

                Amethyst laughed.  “I’m trying to imagine your sister in the military.  But hey, at least this way you get to experience college – and with me!  You can always join later if you still want to.”

                “When does Jasper come home?” 

                “Next Wednesday night.  Jasper’s graduation was so long and boring.”  She shrugged when Peridot raised an eyebrow.  “I fidgeted the whole time so Mom and Dad didn’t let me see her off to basic.” 

                “You had a broken leg,” Peridot reminded her. 

                There had been a skateboarding accident.  Amethyst remembered Jasper sitting with her in the ER as they waited for x-rays and a cast to be placed.  Her sister had acted annoyed and angry, but Amethyst definitely recalled concern in her eyes.  “You know, Jasper’s not all touchy-feely, but I know she loves me.  Ooooh, we should get tacos together.”

                “You should show her the one on your butt.” 

                Amethyst wadded up her straw wrapper and threw it at her friend.  “I hate to think how Paul will react to that.” 

                “So, no closer to doing it, huh?” 

                “I mean…we’ve done stuff, but we haven’t fucked.”

                “Amethyst!”  Peridot’s cheeks blazed bright red.  “Say ‘had sex’ or ‘made love’.”

                “I like him, but I don’t know if I love him.”  She gave a small shrug.  “I mean he’s leaving and so am I.  Even if we did do it, it’s not like we’d be together forever.”

                “I guess that’s true…I-I’m really not the best person to ask.” 

                No, Peridot wasn’t the perfect person to have this talk with.  As she drove home, she thought about how she could talk to her sister in just over a week.  Her advice in the e-mail had been good, but nothing beat a face-to-face conversation.  Amethyst parked in the driveway and headed inside where something already smelled amazing.  She followed the sound of sizzling food to the kitchen.  “What are you making?” 

                “Corned beef, onions and rice,” her mom answered. 

                “Yum.”  She picked a piece of onion out of the pan and ate it.  “Ouch.” 

                “Well, what do you expect?” 

                “Anything I can help with?” 

                “You can set the table.” 

                Amethyst grabbed plates from the cabinet.  “Hey, Mom, what are you going to make when Jasper comes home?” 

                “What else?  Steak.”  Penina heaved a sigh.  “It’ll be expensive – your sister and dad can both put away a pound of ribeye each.  Of course your dad could do with a little less ribeye and more vegetables.”

                She rolled her eyes behind her mom’s back.  So now her father was getting too fat?  Amethyst felt like reminding her mom that she was chubby herself and maybe she should keep her opinions to herself.  She plunked forks down on the table while the sound of the news registered from the living room.  “Should I let Dad know it’s almost ready?” 

                “The house isn’t that big – I can hear you from in here!”  Fetuao called.

                “Five minutes,” Penina replied.  She was stirring the meat in the pan when the doorbell rang.  “Ames, can you get that?  And remember…”

                “I know, unless they’re selling Thin Mints, no thanks.”  She opened the door and the air left her lungs as she stared at the two men in uniform.  “Um…” 

                “Ames, who is it?”  Penina stepped into the foyer and sucked in a breath, putting a hand to her chest.  “No…”

                The men asked to speak to Amethyst’s father.  She stood against the wall as the soldiers explained to him that Jasper, along with three other soldiers, had been captured by the enemy.  “We’re doing everything we can to recover them,” one of them assured the family.  “However, we can’t verify their status at this time.”

                Amethyst’s throat felt tight as she blinked back tears.  This could not be happening.  Her sister was supposed to come home.  She was going to be present at the graduation and they’d all have a wonderful dinner together.  It wasn’t supposed to end like _this_.  Jasper wasn’t just supposed to vanish.

                Only one truth remained after the soldiers left: her sister was gone and Amethyst didn’t know if she’d ever see Jasper again.  Her hunger had vanished and she excused herself to go upstairs.  Sitting on her bed, she played with the charm bracelet she always wore.  Her eyes flickered up to the photo on her cork board of herself and Peridot…and Roselyn. 

                She hadn’t known Roselyn long, having met her in the eating disorders group – maybe six months from the time Amethyst was diagnosed and when Roselyn passed away.  However, her friend had understood her – had understood a part of her life that no one else could.  She got up and studied their faces.  She and Peridot had changed…maybe not by much…but there were differences.  Roselyn was frozen in time…still sixteen, never to change.  Was Jasper?  Was her sister gone – to be left behind only in photographs, never aging beyond twenty-five?  Ordinarily nothing could be worse. 

                Except…she was in the hands of terrorists.  From the news and what she’d read online, Amethyst knew they were capable of horrible things…torture, starvation…considering Jasper was a woman, she didn’t want to think of what else.  If they’d already killed her, perhaps that was better than her languishing with them for months…or years.  Who knew when she’d be home…if ever. 

                Amethyst believed in Heaven.  She knew Roselyn had too, so she was certain wherever her friend was, she was happy.  With that belief there was closure.  Amethyst had mourned, but moved on.  Not knowing was worse…it was a huge, gaping uncertainty.  Moreover, it was proof that no one knew what would happen in their lives.  Jasper had probably woken up that morning figuring she’d return to base, pack for her trip and leave next week as planned.  Jasper had been to war and faced every scary and uncertain things with bravery.  And here Amethyst was afraid of having sex. 

                Suddenly filled with determination, she picked up the phone and texted Paul, asking to come over.  He texted back to come over and added that his parents weren’t home.  Perfect. 

                She slipped out quietly, which wasn’t hard to do since her parents were preoccupied in a conversation in the living room.  It sounded like her mother was crying and her father was trying to reassure her that Jasper would be okay.  “The Army will get them back.  She’ll come home.” 

                “You served with men who never came home.”  There came the audible sound of Penina blowing her nose.

                Once out of the house, she drove the short distance to Paul’s and hugged him as soon as he let her inside.  They sat on his bed while she poured out all the concerns she had about Jasper.  “And the whole thing just has me thinking that life is short and I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.”

                “Well, I doubt you’ll die tomorrow, Ames.” 

                “I hope not, but someday this world will go on and I won’t be in it.  I’ve decided I want to do and experience as much as I can before I have to leave it.  I can’t keep waiting for the perfect moment to do things…or be scared to.” 

                “What are you…wait, are you saying you’re ready?”  Paul’s eyes widened.  “I mean, I’m down, don’t get me wrong, but are you sure?  I mean, you’ve had an emotional…” 

                Amethyst leaned in and kissed him, speaking once she broke it.  “Yeah, I’m ready.”

                She was still nervous as his hands explored her naked flesh, heart pounding as she worried he’d find her body disgusting.  However, he started kissing her neck as he played with her breasts.  No one had ever touched her like this and as scary as it was, it also caused heat to pool in her stomach…and lower…as she anticipated what was to come.  Amethyst reached her hand down and stroked his length as it hardened.  Paul’s fingers slid between her legs finding the hidden pearl in her folds that made her gasp and moan as he stroked it. 

                It hurt at first as she’d expected, but Paul was gentle and slow only moving faster inside her when she was comfortable.  Each thrust brought her closer to something indescribable – a fire in her that burned uncontrollably, the raging inferno consuming her as she arched her back in ecstasy.  Her head dug into the pillow as she cried out, finishing at the same time as her boyfriend. 

                Amethyst lay there, her body entwined with his…panting…heart racing at the sheer excitement of the night.  God…it was good to feel alive. 

*

Jasper

_Pop!  Pop!  Pop!_

                Jasper peered over the sand dune in the direction the gunfire was coming from.  The enemy soldiers had no idea she was there and didn’t know her rifle had a silencer so when she did fire, they wouldn’t hear where it had come from.  It was only one man on the other side.  She put out of her mind the fact that this was another human being just like her…someone with a family, someone fighting for what they believed was right.  Exhaling slowly, she moved her weapon slightly, lining up her scope.  They were idiots for not wearing helmets.  It took only a flick of her finger to discharge her weapon and blow out the back of her enemy’s head. 

                “How did you get so good at this?”  Jenkins asked. 

                “Practice,” she answered simply. 

                An explosion lit the night sky and she ducked as they were showered with sand, some of which was red.  A thud caught her attention and glancing over she saw an arm covered in a black sleeve.  Not one of theirs; there was no time to wonder what became of the rest of him.  If they were that close, she and the others were likely in danger.  The enemy wore black making them hard to distinguish in the darkness.  She kept her breathing steady and waited for movement.  Even though the moon was almost full, it was still hard to see unless they stepped into the light. 

                Thompson stealthily crawled up beside her.  “They’re mostly over there where Sergeant Cordero’s squadron is located,” he whispered.  “But, I know there are others scattered about.” 

                “The problem is we don’t know where.” 

_Pop!  Pop!_

                Before Jasper could try and figure out where the gunfire was coming from, a piercing shriek assaulted her ears.  It was Jenkins beside her.  “Keep quiet!”

Myers was kneeling next to him.  “He’s been hit!”

_Pop!_

                Jasper’s face hit the sand as a bullet ricocheted off the back of her helmet.  “They’re behind us!”  She rolled onto her back and fired a few shots, though everything was in shadow.  She turned to the man beside her who was tying a tourniquet around his leg, dark liquid seeping from a hole in his pants.  “Myers, get him to sa-”

_Pop!  Pop!_

                The pain hit her in the chest with the force of a baseball bat spreading just below her left breast and onto her side.  A strangled shout lodged in her throat as the wind had been knocked out of her.  Jasper lay there opening her mouth willing herself to breathe.

                “Sergeant!”  Thompson was beside her, checking for injuries, though the bullet proof vest had protected her from what would have been a potentially fatal shot.

                She wanted to tell him she was okay, but couldn’t take a breath yet.  She knew this was temporary; eventually her diaphragm would recover from the shock and she’d be fine…bruised, but fine.

                They materialized out of the shadows – their enemies, the terrorists.  Thompson reached for his gun, but was quickly kicked down.  Jasper finally took a shallow breath and raised her weapon, pulling the trigger. 

_Click.  Click.  ClickClickClickClick._

                “Fuck!”  She was out of ammo and it would take four seconds to reload, which was four seconds none of them had as guns were pointed at them and instructions barked in a harsh language. 

                Jasper saw Myers slowly reaching for his rifle until one of the men in black clothes shouted at him.  They were outnumbered and two of them were injured.  She feared they would be shot, but quickly realized if the enemy was going to kill them they’d have done it already. 

                Static emitted from her radio and Bismuth’s voice found her ears.  “Palamo – are you there?” 

                Her fingers fumbled to unhook the radio and drew in a ragged breath.  She pressed the button as she raised it to her mouth.  “We-“

                One of the terrorists kicked the radio from her hand and yelled at her.  Their weapons were taken and they were all roughly pulled to their feet.  Jasper attempted to conceal how much pain she was in; she hoped she didn’t have cracked ribs.  She felt the muscles over her ribs contract and cramp making it difficult to concentrate on anything else.  The sound of voices shouting – in English – caught her ears and she turned her head hoping her own soldiers would reach them in time even though one of the bearded men was tying her hands behind her back.  There was gunfire behind her.  She’d had all the training about what to do in this situation, but it never occurred to her she could actually be captured.  As they were roughly dragged away and thrown in the back of a truck, she sucked in a deep breath.  So far, they hadn’t noticed…at least, she didn’t think they did.  If they didn’t pry, if they took her gear, but not her uniform jacket, maybe they’d never notice.  A cloth was wrapped over her eye protection and she held her breath hoping they didn’t see the bun at the back of her head.  If they allowed her to keep the jacket on, it would hide her curves.  If they didn’t look too closely at the back of her head, they’d never realize she had long hair.  It might only be a matter of time before that fact was revealed and she wasn’t sure if it meant they would treat her more gently…or worse…than the others.

                The ride was bumpy and the noise of the engine drowned out most sound, except Jenkins who yelped with each jerky movement of the truck.  There came an audible kick and one of the men yelling at him to shut up.  There was a body beside her that was not moving and it didn’t take Jasper long to realize it was just that…a body.  Oh God…

                Time was lost and she wasn’t sure if it was minutes or hours before the truck stopped and she was dragged out.  It was hard to keep up with the man who had a vice-like grip on her arm.  All around her were the shuffle of feet and then behind all the commotion, the heavy closing of a door.  She could tell the floor beneath her boots was concrete as the fresh air of outside disappeared and she found herself surrounded by warm air pungent with the smell of body odor.  The click of a door found her ears and she was hustled forward, her blindfold finally removed.  Jasper blinked and looked around the room.  It was small and there was a brownish-red stain on one of the concrete walls.  There was no window and the exit was blocked by two men wearing black clothes.  Four more were milling around, putting the stolen American guns and packs by the wall. 

                Jasper took the opportunity to look over at her men.  Thompson returned her gaze, his eyes reflecting concern.  Jenkins was at the end, barely able to stand and Meyers between them.  Her face was grabbed with a beefy hand and in a second she was looking into the eyes of a big man with a monstrous beard.  He towered over her by at least six inches and she knew it would be futile – and stupid – to try and fight.  Not that she could with her hands still tied behind her back. 

                “You’re their leader?” the man barked at her.  When she didn’t answer, he let go of her face and stomped off. 

                _Good, go frolic with the other buffalo_ , she thought as she stretched out her jaw.  She flexed her fingers trying to see if she could find a loose part of the rope she could pull on, but he’d tied a good knot.  Her eyes flickered to the stain on the wall…to their own guns lined up.  Jasper drew in a deep breath, her ribs still aching.  If necessary, she was prepared to die for her country.  But…they hadn’t killed her yet…or her men.  So they must have some other reason for capturing them.

                “I thought we can trade ‘em for weapons.”  It was the gruff, unmistakable voice of the buffalo.

                “I am not sure the commander would agree,” came a different, but familiar voice.  “Keep them alive until morning and I will speak with him.”

                The large man entered and behind him a figure in white.  Jasper’s eyes widened recognizing the kid from the town…from that day she was on patrol.  She knew something hadn’t been right and the major had just ignored her.  Somehow, though, being right about that in this moment wasn’t completely satisfying.  Still her eyes narrowed at him.  “You…” 

                He considered her without recognition before addressing the group in English.  “Soldiers, it will be best if you do as we say.  If not, you will be shot and killed.”  He took out a notebook, asking each in turn their name, rank and serial number.  They gave their birthdays as well.  The kid closed the notebook with a snap.  “We will take your gear.  Do not do anything foolish.”

                Buffalo stripped off her helmet and eyewear before undoing her bulletproof vest and sliding it off.  She vaguely heard the kid asking one of the other men to bring chairs.  Jasper sucked in a breath as his fingers pressed against her injured side.  His brow furrowed and he studied her face closely as his hand slid up and he grabbed her breast. 

                Well…fuck. 

                And he laughed.  The large man chuckled as he unzipped her jacket.  Shit.  What was he thinking?  Dumb question.  It was obvious what he was thinking.  Her training said to come back alive – that nothing could be worse than being killed…but she could not go through that again. 

                “I told you to remove their gear, not undress them,” the kid said.  “What are you doing?” 

                “We got us a woman.” 

                “What?”  The kid finally took a good look at her face and his eyes widened.  “The soldier from town.” 

                “Yeah, fancy meeting you here,” Jasper spat.  “I knew something was off about you.”

                He ignored the statement, circling behind her.  She felt his fingers in her hair, removing the pins holding it up, letting it tumble in a ponytail down her back.  “This…this may change things,” he whispered, seemingly more to himself than to her.

                The kid left moments later after telling the men not to harm them.  Jasper and her soldiers were quickly tied to chairs to wait.  For what, she wasn’t sure.  She didn’t even know what time it was or if it was morning yet, though fatigue had started to overtake her body.  There were only three terrorists in the room now – one pilfering things from their stolen packs, another guarding the door and Buffalo, who was busying himself playing with Jasper’s hair.  He’d taken the elastic band out so it flowed free.  Thankfully, he wasn’t touching anything else. 

                “We’re up shit creek, aren’t we, Sergeant?”  Meyers asked.

                “Yes, but we’ve been up this creek before – paddle or no paddle.  You remember your training, all of you.  Our duty is come back alive…limbs and eyesight in tact…so if they’re not threatening these things, you comply with their orders.  You eat what they feed you – you stay as strong as you possibly can – physically and mentally.  You don’t know anything of importance to them so you don’t have to worry about betraying our country, but you do need to stay alive.”  Jasper looked over at them.  “Jenkins, how is your leg?”

                “Hurts like hell.  Your chest?” 

                “I’ll survive.”  She looked up as Buffalo towered above her.  “The fuck you want?”

                He slapped her across the face.  “SHUT UP!”

                Jasper remained quiet for what seemed like hours.  She thought about Bismuth and whether he was looking for her.  What if she never saw him again?  Things were just getting good between them.  She thought about the make-out session they’d had just days ago and how her body tingled at his touch.  It may have just been kissing…sloppy, deep, passionate…GOOD kissing.  What if they did kill her?  What if she never saw him again?  Or went home?  She thought about her flight next week and the empty seat that would be on it now.  She may never see her family again. 

                No, she needed to think positive.  She was in charge.  She was responsible for the safety and well-being of her soldiers.  The Army would know they’d been captured and would do everything they could to rescue them.  She needed to believe this. 

                The door eventually opened and she sat up straight as a man she recognized from pictures entered, the kid trailing behind him.  It was Akhram Abadi…one of the most wanted terrorists in the world.  Ranked fourth or fifth commander in all of Al Qaeda.  The guy probably played golf with Osama Bin Laden on Sundays.  They were definitely going to die now.

                He stared at them for a moment, his eyes flickering between them before speaking.  “Which of you is highest in rank?” 

                “I am,” Jasper answered before the kid could interpret. 

                “And you speak Arabic.  That is a surprise.” 

                “I have had some language training, but I’m not exactly fluent.” 

                Akhram stood in front of her, placing a hand under her chin and lifting it so their eyes met.  He wasn’t unfortunate-looking – probably handsome when he was younger.  He wasn’t old – around forty or so, but his face was lined, his well-trimmed beard speckled with gray.  There was a birthmark that looked like a teardrop under his left eye.  He smiled and when he spoke she took note of how yellow his teeth were.  “What race are you?” 

                Oh Jesus…his breath stunk like rotten meat left in the sun and she wanted to turn away…or possibly gag.  “That is not relevant, sir.”

                He put his hands behind his back for a moment and stared at her.  Dang, he was hard to read and she was wondering what he was going to do when her cheek exploded with pain.  He had backhanded her – hard.  He honestly didn’t look that strong, but apparently she’d misjudged that.  He spat out a harsh word Jasper didn’t understand.  She looked at the kid for a translation. 

                “He has called you a whore,” came the explanation. 

                Jasper looked up at the commander.  “Sir, I am not a whore.  I am a soldier – a sergeant – and you and your men will address me with the respect I deserve.” 

                Akhram looked at her, pressing his fingers against her ribcage, causing her to wince in pain.  “You are injured.”  He zipped up her jacket, which was a surprising gesture considering the buffalo seemed to want to fuck her.  Perhaps the commander didn’t have that in mind.  He walked around to the back of her and stroked her hair.  “I will arrange medical care for you and the other one.  Your able-bodied soldiers will be trained to fight for me.” 

                _Yeah, good luck on that one_ , she thought. 

                “You, on the other hand…”  He placed his hands on her shoulders.  “You I have special plans for.”  He stroked her upper arms.  “Perhaps you’ll work out better than the last one.”  Akhram leaned in, his breath on her ear as he whispered.  “I shall see you later, whore.”

                Jasper’s stomach sank as he kissed her cheek.  He breezed through the exit, barking an order at his men.  Two terrorists stood by the door and the interpreter was left behind.  The kid cleared his throat and spoke.  “That was our commander – Akhram.  You may address him as ‘Commander’.” 

                Beside her, Thompson scoffed.  “Yeah, nice guy.”

                “He really is not.”

                Apparently they were unfamiliar with sarcasm.  Jasper couldn’t remember the kid’s name and asked. 

                “I am Tubaz.  I am the commander’s personal assistant.  If you need something you can ask and I will do what I can.” 

                “I’m assuming I can’t just ask to walk out the front door and go back to our base.” 

                “That I cannot make happen.  If you try, you will be shot.”  Tubaz knelt in front of her and placed his hands on her knees.  “If you do as the commander says, he will not hurt you.” 

                “Move your hands!”  Jasper continued speaking when he did so.  “I say who touches me and who doesn’t.”  

                “This is not true here.  The commander plans to…” he paused as though trying to think of a gentle way to say it.  “Just let him.  If you fight him, he may throw you to his men and they will all take a turn.  If you stay still, he will be pleased…and scream a lot.  He likes that.”

                Nope…no…she was not going to just roll over and let Akhram do this.  There had to be a way out of this…whether it was talking her way out or escaping.  Or maybe hurting herself…that was a good one.  Maybe he’d have a little sympathy if she was limping or something.  Wait…he was a terrorist…there was probably no way out of this. 

                But she could NOT go through that experience again.  Jasper remembered the helpless feeling she’d had when she’d frozen…when she _couldn’t_ fight.  She couldn’t promise herself she wouldn’t if someone tried to assault her again and that loomed now as a very real possibility.  ‘Just let him do it’ Tubaz had said. 

                That’s when it hit her.  She’d said it herself: only she said who was allowed to touch her and who wasn’t.  If Akhram had her consent, it wouldn’t be rape.  He could not wield power over her if she said it was okay.  It didn’t get rid of the disgust factor, but it did put her in control. 

*

                Hours passed.  They were released from their chairs and handcuffed to pipes on the wall.  Jenkins was taken away and they could hear screaming from somewhere down a hallway.  He was brought back, hardly able to walk and she guessed he’d gotten the medical attention Akhram had promised. 

                Jasper’s turn was next and she was shocked to find the doctor was a captive like herself.  He told her he’d been in the Air Force when their plane went down.  He was one of two survivors and the other was no longer alive. 

                “How long have you been here?”  Jasper asked as he cleaned the small wound in her skin.

                “Nine months.  They keep me around because I’m useful to them.  You want to stay safe – be useful.”

                She was returned to the room with her men and handcuffed to the wall to wait. 

                “You okay, Sergeant?”  Meyers asked. 

                “Yeah.  Bruised – it broke the skin a little, but he cleaned it and I’ll be fine.” 

                “Hey, Sergeant Palamo.”  It was Thompson this time. 

                “What is it?” 

                “Have you been saved?” 

                “What?” 

                “I just…in case anything happens I was just curious if you’ve let Christ into your life.  I’d like to offer a prayer, perhaps together.  Jenkins says he doesn’t believe and Meyers is Jewish…”

Meyers gave a half-hearted laugh.  “I’ll still take a prayer though.  Besides, I’m Christmas-tree-Jewish at best.” 

                Jasper leaned against the wall.   Her relationship with God was complicated and rocky.  She believed, but she was still pretty angry at Him for certain events in her life and her current situation wasn’t earning the Almighty any points with her.  “My faith is best served privately.  If you’d like to pray for me, go for it, but I’m not the praying type.”

                After a long stretch of lingering in silence and boredom, the door opened and Tubaz came in.  He handed Jasper a brush, a hair tie and some pins.  “The commander is allowing you to fix your hair if you wish.” 

                It was a small thing, really, but she was going to speak to a man who outranked her – militarily speaking – and she was going in uniform.  Her hair may as well meet regulation.  She brushed through it and quickly pulled it back and up into a bun once her cuffs had been unlocked. 

                “I will take you to the commander.  Jamil will come with us and if you try to escape…”

                “Yeah, yeah, he’ll shoot me,” she finished.  Jasper pulled her hands away when Tubaz tried to tie them behind her back. 

                “Do you not understand what it means to be a prisoner?” 

                “Do you understand I could take you out, little boy?”  Something cold and metallic was pressed against her temple and she swallowed hard.  She knew it was the man called Jamil…and a gun.  Obediently, she put her hands behind her back and let herself be tied up. 

                Jasper paid attention to the rhythm of her boots as she walked alongside Tubaz.  She tried to match her steps to his, but she was being almost shoved along by the guard behind her.  Glancing over again she realized this was the first time she’d really been able to study the young man’s features.  Inwardly she scoffed at that thought.  ‘Young man’ – no, he was a kid to her – no different than any of the other eighteen-year-olds she’d trained.  If he were American he’d probably be thinking more about girls and video games than whatever he might be preoccupied with working for these people.  With his brown eyes staring off pensively, he was almost a little handsome…or would be if he’d bothered to shave the dark fuzz that was trying to become a beard.  His hair was short and covered with a white prayer cap that matched his long tunic and pants.  Some of the men wore boots, but his footsteps slapped alongside hers as he was wearing sandals that appeared to be real leather. 

                There was a tug on her hair as the guard pulled her head upright.  “Eyes ahead, whore!”

                Her eyes flickered back to Tubaz as the guard entered the room first.  “Do they have to call me a whore?” 

                It was hard to tell what the kid was thinking as he listened to the voice inside.  “He says ‘I have brought the woman’.” 

                “I have a name.”

                “If he knows, he does not care.”

                ‘Woman’ was at least a step up from ‘whore’.   The guard reached out and jerked her into the room by the arm and she stood up straight, putting on a confident demeanor even as her heart pounded.  The concrete room was small with an open air window guarded by iron bars.  There was a bed and a table with six chairs around it.  Akhram sat at the table, which had platters of food on it and two empty plates. 

                “Ah, so glad you could join me.” 

                Jasper’s thumb found a loop in the rope and she began undoing the knot.  “I wasn’t expecting this.” 

                “You’ll find I can be very generous to those who are obedient.  Are you going to obey me…what was your name again?” 

                “It’s Jasper.” 

“Jyaas-purr,” he said slowly.

“You may call me ‘sergeant’.”  She managed to loosen the rope and slide her hands free.  She handed it to Tubaz.  “There you go.” 

                “Do you want me to shoot her?”  Jamil asked. 

                “Don’t shoot me because Junior here can’t tie a decent knot.”

                “No, Jamil, tie her to the chair.  Then you may stand by the door and keep watch.  Shooting her would not help.  Tubaz, stand nearby and interpret if necessary.”  Akhram gazed at her while her legs were bound to the chair’s and her left arm tied to the back of it.  “Now, you realize here you are not a soldier or a sergeant, so I cannot call you this.  You are a woman and I’ve kept you alive for a very special reason.”  He bowed his head and said a prayer before gesturing to the food.  “Please.”

                There was flatbread, still golden and charred slightly from a clay oven.  There was fragrant rice and meat and vegetables that smelled like they were cooked in spices.  Jasper’s stomach growled as she scooped some rice onto her plate.  “You said a ‘special reason’.  Now, from what I understand, sex isn’t that special.”

                He laughed – actually laughed.  “This is not only about sex.  Of course, we will be doing that – there is no other way – but this is about so much more.  Do you know what I want more than anything in the world?” 

                “Uhhh…world peace?” 

                Another laugh.  “You are funny.  No.  I have four daughters and my wife – may she be happy in paradise – died giving birth to a fifth.  You see, I have three nephews, which is wonderful – a blessing from Allah.  They are men I can train and shape to fight for jihad, but I do not have a son.  I need a strong son to someday follow in my footsteps.” 

                Jasper plunked a piece of flatbread on her plate.  “And, you know, I think adoption is wonderful, but I’m a girl and I already have a dad.” 

                “Stop playing games with me.”  His tone had suddenly darkened.  “I am letting your men live so I can train them because last night your troops took three of mine.  The reason I am doing this is because any man can pick up a gun and kill, but you…you are special.  You see, Allah has blessed you with an ability no man has and that is the ability to bring life into the world.” 

                “Excuse me?”  She gave him an incredulous look.  Having sex with him was one thing, but he actually wanted her to have his _baby_? 

                “A strong woman like you – you’re guaranteed to have a son, I know it.”  He picked up some food in a piece of flatbread and pushed it into his mouth. 

                “You…you know it doesn’t work like that, right?  I have no control over the sex of the child.” 

                Akhram swallowed before speaking.  “But you have a better chance because of your strength.” 

                Jasper ate another mouthful of food and chewed slowly as she thought of how to get out of this.  She looked over at Jamil by the door and then the barred window.  Escape was not possible.  “The thing is though that kids aren’t really in my plan right now.  I might consider it in maybe five years, but I have a lot I want to do before I have kids.” 

                Her captor looked to Tubaz for a translation and she realized she’d spoken in English.  Damn it.  She couldn’t let him know she did not want to sleep with him.  Although, something told her he didn’t care.

                Akhram placed a hand on her shoulder.  “It is normal to be nervous if it is your first time, but I will be gentle if you do not fight me.” 

                “It’s not my first time.  I’ve had sex before.” 

                “Whore.” 

                Jasper straightened in her chair.  “Commander, I do not appreciate being called a whore.  You may address me as ‘sergeant’ or ‘ma’am’.” 

                He smiled and chuckled.  “You are a cheeky one, aren’t you?”  Thinking he was amused, the corner of her mouth twitched up in an attempt to smile.  Then he punched her forcefully in the eye.  “Listen to me, you whore!”  Akhram grabbed the front of her uniform, pulling her close, his breath assaulting her nose.  “You will not talk back to me, you understand!” 

                “Okay.  Yeah, sure.” 

                “What was that?”  He looked toward Tubaz.

                “She said ‘yes, sir’. “ 

                “Good…good.”  Akhram sat back and smiled.  “Now, finish eating and then I am going to lay with you.” 

                Barf.  Jasper choked back the urge to gag and kept eating as long as she could, until her stomach was stretched to its limit. 

                “You have a healthy appetite,” her captor commented. 

                “I haven’t eaten since yesterday.” 

                He reached over and stroked her hair with his fingers.  “How old are you?”

                “Twenty-five.”

                “A good age to be a mother.” 

                Oh God.  “I need a moment…”

                “For what?” 

                “I have to pee.”

                He gestured for Jamil to untie her.  The young man grabbed her arm, pulling her to her feet and guided her to a door that led to a small bathroom with a squat toilet.  “Well, go,” he snapped. 

                Jasper attempted to close the door, but Jamil held it open and spoke more forcefully.  “Go.”

                She squatted over the hole in the tile, her stomach feeling slightly ill.  She recalled her last pregnancy…her only one…after the rape by her sergeant.  Not knowing what else to do and denying to herself what had happened, she’d had an abortion.  She recalled a conversation with Bismuth in which she’d told him getting pregnant was one of her worst fears.  Hopefully the Army would rescue her before that happened.  

                “You done?”  Jamil barked.

                Jasper used the small hose nearby like a bidet to clean herself before pulling up her pants and stepping on the handle to flush.  “You know, you don’t have to be such an asshole.”  She washed her hands. 

                “Did you know Jamil is my nephew?”  Akhram asked upon hearing her comment.  “Watch your mouth or I will hit you.”

                Ah, so it ran in the family.  Jasper emerged into the room, putting on a façade of confidence.  She unzipped her jacket and hung it on a chair.  Akhram stood and looked her up and down.  “You will remove all your clothes.” 

                Jasper’s gaze flickered to the young men.  “With them in the room?” 

                “Tubaz, you are dismissed until we are finished,” Akhram said.  “Jamil, stand facing the door.”  He faced her.  “The guard stays.  You will undress – do it now.”

                She did so, finally standing naked in front of him aside from her dog tags.  The commander had only removed his sandals and pants, his fancy black tunic with its gold embroidery long enough to cover to his knees.  He took off the belt holding a fancy curved dagger in an ornate sheath and plunked it on the table.  He no longer had a weapon.  She could overpower him, find her men and escape.  Her eyes flickered to the guard.  Never mind…he had a gun and that was not a smart idea.  Akhram guided her over to the bed and gestured for her to lie down.

                Jasper wanted to push Akhram away as he climbed on top of her, but if she did that…if she said no…then it became the one thing she couldn’t have happen to her again.  _I’m consenting to this_ , she reminded herself as his long fingers trailed down her breastbone and played with her tags.  _Oh God, please don’t let him take those._  

His hands explored the muscles of her stomach and then settled on her hips.  He pressed his fingertips against the crest of her pelvis and rested a hand just above her most private area.  He said something else in Arabic too complicated for her to really understand, but it sounded like either a prayer or maybe a verse from the Quran.  Then she heard the rustle of fabric as he lifted his tunic. 

                Fuck…this was it.  She was going to have to sleep with someone…well, not old enough to be her father, but older than she’d consider as far as dating.  His hands wrapped around her wrists and held them up by her head as he moved against her.  Fear crept into her mind, but the word ‘stop’ stayed lodged in her throat.  She could _not_ tell him to stop.  “Go ahead…it’s okay.” 

                “Be quiet or I will hit you.” 

                Jasper gasped as she felt him inside her and let her mind go back to a story she’d read in English class during high school.  It was a common tale from Victorian times…or maybe the early 1900’s…about a proper upper-class girl who was kidnapped by an Arab sheik and brought to live in his harem.  The details of her kidnapping were never really clear – or had escaped Jasper’s mind – but what she remembered was that the sheik pursued her day after day and she spurned him, trying to keep herself pure.  One day in frustration, he’d thrown her on a bed, ripped off her clothes and ‘ravished’ her.  After the initial pain, the girl found that she actually liked sex and pretty much became a horndog the rest of the story, lusting after the sheik.  Jasper was pretty sure she was rescued in the end and wasn’t too happy about it, having to go back to England and her sexless life. 

                Yeah, that shit was written by some man, she was sure of it because the reality was not that great actually as she caught eyes with Akhram and the corner of his mouth lifted in a cruel sneer.  Her wrists ached and she wondered how long he would be.  She thought about the harem in the story.  Did he have other women?  Was she going to end up with some disease?  He wasn’t using a condom.  Well, of course he wasn’t.  How else was she supposed to have his goddamn baby?  

                She cried out as his grip tightened on her wrists and he moved faster, finally stopping as he made a strangled sound before exhaling.  Jasper lay perfectly still waiting for him to move before she did.  Finally, he rolled off of her, his hand lingering on her arm, caressing her muscles gently.  Akhram leaned in and kissed her.  The first thing on her mind was to push him out of bed and kick his ass. _This was your decision_ , she reminded herself.  _You said you gave him permission._  

                Jasper opened her mouth, inviting his tongue to play with hers as she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close.  God, she’d just had sex with a terrorist…how could she wear her uniform now?  She’d disgraced it.  

                Akhram pulled away, placing a hand on her cheek as though pleased with what had just happened.  Well, of course he was!  What guy wouldn’t be thrilled after sex with her?  None had complained so far.  His thumb grazed the skin by her eye where her tan complexion melted into white.  “ _Jameela_.” 

                The fuck did that mean?  Once he let her up, she slid her uniform back on, zipping up the jacket as Tubaz came back into the room.  Akhram exchanged a short conversation with him, gesturing to Jasper and using that word again.  Yeah, she was pretty sure ‘ _jameela_ ’ meant something bad.

                She was allowed to use the bathroom again, the guard watching as she squatted over the toilet in the floor.  Finally, she washed her hands before they were tied behind her back again.  She waited until she was walking down the hall again to ask Tubaz what they had discussed.  “The commander would like to see you again tomorrow,” he told her. 

                “There was more than that.”

                The young man nodded.  “I am to tell his men not to touch you.  He wants you to himself.” 

                Well, there was a small consolation.  At least she would not be thrown to his men.  Tubaz stopped outside a door and squeezed her arm gently.  “Did he hurt you?” 

                It had been a while since Jasper had sex, so it was uncomfortable at first, but…  “No.  What was the word he kept using?  ‘ _Jameela_ ’ – what is that?  Foreign devil?  Super whore?” 

                “It is not just a word; it is a name.  It is your new name.” 

                Once again the ropes were loose and she found it easy to loop her finger around part of it and begin undoing the knot.  “My name is Jasper.” 

                “Not here.  Here you are Jameela.  You will answer to that name.”  He opened the door.  “It means ‘beautiful’ by the way.” 

                Oh.  It wasn’t often she was called that.  She slipped her hands from the rope and handed it to him.  “Here you go.” 

                “You must stop doing this, you…you…” 

                And it dawned on her.  He couldn’t call her that.  Every other man here had easily let her know they thought she was a whore, but he was too polite…perhaps even kind to do so.  Still, he was also her enemy.  “You need to learn to tie a better knot, little boy.” 

                “You are making my job very difficult.”  With that, he grabbed her wrist, leading her over to a wall where he cuffed her to a pipe.  “Try and get out of that.”

                “Oh dear, what’s a poor girl to do?”  Jasper watched as he left and noticed the guard stood outside the door before it shut completely.  She looked over at Thompson and Meyers who were also handcuffed to pipes and sitting on the cold, concrete floor.  Both of them had wet pants at this point.  She felt fortunate she’d been allowed to use the bathroom.  She plucked a hair pin from her bun and began using it in the lock of the cuff.  “Where’s Jenkins?” 

                “They took him,” Meyers told her.  “They didn’t say where and when we asked they didn’t understand.  Did…um…did that commander really r…”

                Jasper held up a hand as the cuff popped open and she pulled away from the pipe.  “We are not discussing that.” 

                She went to work unlocking the cuffs of her fellow soldiers. 

                “So, what’s the escape plan?”  Meyers asked.

                “Well, we’re deep in a terrorist prison with armed guards outside the door and Jenkins is not with us – we don’t leave our injured behind.  Right now, we wait on the Army until and unless an opportunity for escape presents itself.  We are all to be on the lookout when they move us.  We are to keep together as much as possible, in communication.  We will think of something.”  Jasper’s voice sounded convincing as if this was possible…as if she believed it herself. 


End file.
